Husbands?

My wife has suffered from this condition for our entire marriage, and for some time before we met. A total of more than 10 years. She's never known sex to be anything but painful and always something to be avoided. It took me a long long time to understand this, and I'm still coming to terms with it.

Any husbands or boyfriends out there? What's your story and how did you support your woman during the hard times?

I don't know what i would do without my partner's love and support. The most valuable thing he can do for me when I'm having a hard time is to express his affection for and attraction to me- to remind me that I am still sexually attractive, wanted and capable of having a mutually enjoyable (if limited) physical relationship.

gbook if you go to www.vulvodynia.com and have a look in the guestbooks there's a guy on there called Frank who's wife has vulvodynia and I'm sure he'd be willing to talk to you.

Welcome gbook, its great to hear from the husbands/boyfriends.

If you guys have been together for 10 years now it already sounds like you are very understanding!

Im not currently in a relationship but I know what does help is like Lisa said is for him to still express his attraction and affection. Many cuddles pleaseeee lol

Even if I have found intercourse too painful It doesnt mean im not longing for sexual contact...to be able to do all sorts of other fun things and for my partner to enjoy this as well is fantastic..also I find that the more you do this the more relaxed you are to attempt intercourse.

Also (unlike my previous partner) its great to know your boyfriend/husband genuinally cares about the fact you are in pain. So empathy is greatly appreciated.

You say you are still coming to terms with it and this is soo understandable. So also get sum support for yourself...this forum is also for those who lives are affected indirectly by Vulval Pain..so if you need to get a few things off your chest by all means do so.

Good Luck and Take Care

Sebby
xx

Thanks for the replies and advice. The toughest part of this is that my wife is no longer in pain. After the vestibulectomy surgery, she's 99% pain free. But... she still avoids any intimacy like the plague. She refuses to seek any kind of therapy or counseling. The only thing she wants from me is for me to not touch her at all. No making out, no non-penetrative sex, no fondling, nada.

It feels like the only outcome she's comfortable with is no intimacy, and that's tough for me. Either I can accept that, not accept it, or preferably find a way to meet half way. I really want to figure out how we can both be comfortable with our sex life together. I'm also more than happy to go to therapy, but it's not too helpful if I go by myself.

Any discussion for treatment/therapy on my side is met with resistance. So I strongly feel her and I need to do something, but I have no idea how to we're going to do it

That's tricky because obviously with some help she could probably resume sex without too many problems now she's painfree without but at the same time I can understand her fears, I'm sure she thinks sex will send her spiralling back into the hell she was in before. The only thing I can think of is to buy some dilators online and for her to try them very slowly on her own at home to see how penetration feels (lots of lube), the sets have some very small ones and build up in size. I would have thought however the hospital that performed the surgery would have advised this afterwards to get the tissue in optimum condition anyway? If they did'nt it will likely be a necessity to remain painfree anyway.

It might benefit you to go to a therapist on your own anyway as they may have some helpful suggestions about how to approach the situation with your wife, sometimes a slightly different approach can be more helpful and a good therapist will probably have come across similar situations with couples in the past.