Log in

I forgot my password

Latest topics
» Please tell me this can get better
Today at 2:10 am by anon99

» Acupuncture advice please
Today at 12:00 am by Bx11

» Lichen Sclerosus
Fri Feb 16, 2018 2:47 am by ryn207

Thu Feb 15, 2018 10:04 pm by infinitelywondering

» my rock bottom, psychological effects of vulvodynia, I told him he can leave me
Wed Feb 14, 2018 6:43 am by renegade_magdalena

» Some interesting information about nerve pain in general
Wed Feb 14, 2018 3:58 am by Athena

» Sore after using dilator for first time in a year
Wed Feb 14, 2018 3:45 am by Athena

» What helped me
Wed Feb 14, 2018 3:38 am by Athena

Wed Feb 14, 2018 3:33 am by Athena


Thu Feb 15, 2018 10:04 pm by infinitelywondering

Dear all,

Today has been the day I've been waiting for. The day something FINALLY makes sense.
I've been told countless times that I've got nerve damage or a muscular condition, yet none of the specific treatments have helped me. My GP suggested attacking this from a different angle so referred me to a dermatologist specialist

after having a vestibulectomy with no success, I decided to visit …

Comments: 0


Sat Feb 10, 2018 12:18 am by rockylife


Comments: 2

Newby not sure where to turn

Thu Feb 01, 2018 3:32 pm by Cerjo87

Hi this is all very new to me , well the talking about it bit is , the pain while having sex and also the uncomfortable feelings after and feeling like I have  sistitus most of the time I’m very used to , I’ve suffered for 7 years now I’m only 30 . Finally after all this time the doctors or should I say my gp has said I have Vulvodynia and have givin me gabapentin to try .i told her I’d …

Comments: 4

Looking for a friend..... and new problems

Sat Jan 06, 2018 11:38 pm by infinitelywondering

Hi everyone,

I hope you're doing well.

I hate to say this, but I feel beaten down and terribly alone. I had a vestibulectomy surgery about 6 months ago and I was absolutely praying it would work. It didn't.

6 months later and here I am, sitting on my bedroom floor crying my eyes out because I know I'll never be able to have painfree sex. I don't know what to do and just need a friend Sad

Comments: 8

Newbie to the site

Sun Jul 30, 2017 12:16 am by Ksa

Hello. Thank you for this wonderful site. I'm currently under the care of a dr in Phoenix that specializes in vaginal disorders. I will probably be on a suppository of estridol the rest of my life and I am currently on medications for a rare form of vaginitis that's pretty unheard of for my age. My vagina literally hates me. I've struggled with vulvadynia for 20 years, the duration of my …

Comments: 4

Vulvodynia from #metoo media coverage

Thu Jan 25, 2018 9:01 pm by dooleyhornberg

I am wondering if anyone else in this forum has experience an increase or flare up in their vulvodynia as a result of the coverage of the sexual abuse scandals in Hollywood, DC, and the recent gymnastics scandal. I have definitely had a flare up.

Comments: 0

So frustrating!!

Thu Jan 04, 2018 1:15 am by Hannah77

Well I'm back in pain after 7 years of pain free days.
I was diagnosed with vulvodynia when I was 17. I suffered for three years with horrible burning all day, painful sex with my boyfriend and just pure misery Sad I went into a spontaneous remission when I was 20. I'm still not sure how the pain stopped but all the sudden I could go an entire day without thinking of my vagina, sex started to …

Comments: 3

Looking for suggestions or encouragement

Sat Jan 13, 2018 12:10 am by ryn207

Hi there. I'm 25 and have been dealing with this for over a year and a half and I'm really starting to lose hope this will ever stop.

In July of 2016 I had a yeast infection. When Monistat didn't work I went to my gynecologist who prescribed Diflucan. When the itching didn't stop she retested me and found that my yeast infection was gone, but I now had a bacterial infection. After taking the …

Comments: 4

Amitriptyline given for vulvodyina pain

Tue Oct 24, 2017 2:46 pm by katycrawford

Hi there,

After years of being misdiagnosed etc as most women have on this forum I have finally been diagnosed with vulvodynia (yay) and have been given the lowest dose of an antidepressant called Amitriptyline. Has anyone been on this before and has any positive (or negative) news to give me? Im feeling down already and I've only been taking it for a few days, I don't have much hope of it …

Comments: 11

Pulling at the Strings

Go down

Pulling at the Strings

Post  Sahai on Thu Nov 08, 2012 7:47 am

A nurse looked me straight in the eyes 9 months ago and asked if I had been sexually abused. She only asked because, as she told me, it was required of her to do so when she found a woman in my present condition.

Only minutes earlier, I had come in explaining to her that I felt a certain pain 'down there'. It was my first time I saw a gynecologist because I grew up with the belief that I didn't need to see one until I became sexually active. That day, I was worried I had come in too late. My mind jumped to possible infections, STDs and worse things. This nurse looked me over, used only her finger and a q-tip and quickly saw how much I agonized at each small contact. She didn't continue any further. I was physically fine.

The nurse explained to me that sexual abuse can have a profound effect on a woman, physically and emotionally. It took me a bit, but I finally said yes. That yes started a journey that threw me into every possible therapy I could get my hands on. It was a bleak time. But also a time of learning. I was given the name of a physical therapy place called The Pelvic Wellness Center. I consider myself very lucky because it was just what I needed at the time to get better. They specialized in vulvodynia treatment when no one else in the vicinity did. I didn't even know it existed until I was diagnosed. More specifically, I have Provoked Vestibulodynia (or PVD).

During this time, I sought help regularly with a great therapist, a general support group, books (such as self-help and 'When Sex Hurts' by Andrew Goldstein) and an occasional drop in at a place called SASS (Sexual Assault Support Services). And during this time, I was dating a guy whom I had tried to have sex with, but began seeing problems arise in intercourse with him. My situation is complicated because I feel that once I began tugging at one string-Why does it hurt to have sex? I began to unravel bigger and broader questions concerning who I was, what had happened, how my culture and upbringing affected how I viewed certain things (such as sex) and what it was I truly wanted. I know this sounds silly now, but I thought that if I sought help, pushed through this hell, I would eventually be able to have sex with the one guy that unintentionally started it all.

A few months later, he was gone. At the time, I cried and hated my body for being so broken. I saw myself as ugly. There were many times I just could not get back up from being so low. Everything was intertwined. I was rebuilding my past. Picking up pieces of my past sexual abuse event that I minimized because it wasn't rape. Yet, noticing how much that 'small' event had run its course through my past relationships and had built up a nasty pattern. I was finding my voice. I was trying to go back and forth between hiding and screaming. There were days I kept reminding myself how blessed I was to not be going through all of this on my own. I had good friends and support. There were other days I was tired of working through the past and just wanted to live in the present as a 'normal' person.

I recall a time in the beginning stages of my therapy in which I completely rejected the diagnosis and jumped in bed with a random stranger just to prove everyone, even myself, wrong. I wasn't broken. I could do this if I wanted to. The next day, I realized how much emotional and physical pain I had put myself through. I was wrong. It continued to hurt. It felt a like a knife that pierced upwards. That must have been my lowest point, seeing as that reinforced so many negative things in my mind. If I am to string together the negative moments concerning this issue, I would string together the first time I told my mom what I was diagnosed with and how she sighed with disbelief, begging me to get a second opinion. She told me sex is difficult the first couple times, but then it gets better. I don't need to waste so much money on something so 'unnecessary'. Or the times friends would talk about their sexual accomplishments around me and I could not help but cringe a little on the inside. Or the day I decided to never have sex again. Just by saying it, I felt that something very important inside of me cried out in disagreement. Finally, the short period of time in which I saw men and sex so negatively, I avoided them altogether.

But I do want to end this story on a good note because I am no longer living in that low point. I have been through a lot and I have gotten a lot better. What has helped me for my particular situation has been the dilators, lidocaine, biofeedback, massage, stretches and regular therapy. This whole journey has been exhausting, but necessary. And once more, I want to just say I feel blessed after going through all of this because I did not have to go through many pointless treatments and doctor visits just to get exactly what I need to start feeling better.

Reading through 'When Sex Hurts' by Andrew Goldstein, I learned more about PVD. And I also read the following under a section titled 'Vulvodynia: What we know today': "We're sure that there is no single cause of vulvodynia." pg. 69. Reading through a few of your stories on this forum has shown me how diverse vulvodynia can be and that sexual abuse does not have to be a 'contributor' in having this condition. If that is the case, it makes me look back at the question that nurse asked me and wonder if she really needed to ask that. For the longest time, I thought my condition could be squarely placed at the hands of this man who did me harm when I was younger. I felt better for a while believing that to be the case because I could finally direct the rage outside of myself. But now, I don't believe I can do that. It could just be a completely unrelated pain. In the end, it doesn't really matter where it came from, all I know is, it's just a pain I will need to live with and manage.

I am feeling a whole lot better than when I started out nine months ago. But even so, my mind worries about the future. Will I ever be able to have sex with a man and not think about the pain that may come up again? Will this pain ever worsen? Can I ever feel 'normal' around other women who talk about their own great nights? Will it be easier or harder when I'm pregnant? Can I ever fully love my body, feel comfortable, confident and sexy, despite all the pain I've been in and the occasional pain that sometimes shoots up? And right now, I am not seeing anyone because I am still living under my sworn oath. I fear that even though I am now better, I will get myself in a similar situation with future men. Which in turn hasn't placed me in a confident place. Maybe it's still not time. But I wonder, when will it be time to try once again? Just another question I'll have to answer in time.

In the meantime, I am still in the process of building myself up and finishing up digging up in my past.

That's my story! Hope it helps others to know it can get better!



Posts : 5
Join date : 2012-11-07
Location : Eugene, Oregon

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: Pulling at the Strings

Post  raquelll on Thu Feb 07, 2013 4:09 am

Hey Sahai,

Congratulations on all the progress you've made. It sounds like you've been really courageous!
I live in Oregon, too! But I'm in Portland.

Anyway, I figured I'd reply since I was sitting here today thinking about pretty much every single one of the questions you asked at the end of your post. I never experienced any sexual abuse and yet I have Vulvodynia, so getting through the abuse part must be an added challenge. I definitely don't have any answers to those questions, but I just want to say that you're not alone! Hopefully they will answer themselves for us with time...



Posts : 14
Join date : 2012-07-01
Age : 30
Location : USA

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Back to top

- Similar topics

Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum