Sex Tips and Things

Hi!
Um, I guess I'm going to start with some background about myself. I'm 19 and I was diagnosed about 2 months ago. About a month before then, my then-boyfriend broke up with me because of my vestibulodynia. Since then, during then, and even before then, I often get really shut down when I even kiss people, kind of disconnected from myself, running away from intimacy and things.
I guess a lot of that is unrelated angst that i'll probably make a separate post about....
Anyways, I was wondering if any of you guys have any good pointers on ways to be intimate with people without penetration - literature, things that have worked for you, whatever! I think it would be really useful for me, who feels painfully naive and insecure about sex , and a lot of us who are struggling to be able to be with other people here. I really think it would be useful so that i can be less afraid of sexual contact and more kind to myself if we can talk this through. Blowjobs and Handjobs get really boring for me... they seem to work okay for a while but eventually i just get bored with them and that's usually something my partners notice and just isn't healthy for me.
So, what are some good ways to regain sexual confidence? Do you guys have any activity suggestions? I would really appreciate the help - people tell me that there's plenty of ways to have sex without penetration but i really don't know what they are besides the obvious, kind of boring ones! ( That's also been used as an excuse to convince me that this isn't a tough thing to go through...yuck!)

Hello ISairon, Ok, I'm gonna be blunt, forgive me if I make you or anyone else blush. I blushed just writing this. lol. I can't always have sex, so I do things to or for my hubby that are also fun for me. Like you said, hand jobs and blow jobs can get boring. You can have him do it between your breasts. Just lube them up, hold them together and he can slip his penis between them and have sex that way. Or you can lube your butt cheeks, you lay on your stomach and he can do it between your cheeks. You can try ass sex also (I suggest using a BUNCH of lube). For some reason, guys really dig that. Also vibrating penis rings are good too. Those are all ideas to get the guy off, now for some ideas to get you off as well. If your clitoris isn't painful, then he can always get you off that way, using his finger, tongue or even a vibrator. A vibrator is a girls best friend.

Being intimate with someone should be fun. Here are some things that I do. Besides negligee's I wear costumes. I have a cheerleaders costume and I do a little act in front of my hubby. I also have a Catholic school girl uniform. I pretend to be a horny 18 yr old virgin who escaped from the Catholic school. I stay in character the entire time. So, perhaps you could buy some costumes and surprise your partner. Nurses costumes are always popular with guys. When you wear a costume you don't have to be yourself, you can pretend to be someone else. Its a lot easier to have confidence when your pretending to be someone else.


I'm 48 yrs old and all my ideas may be boring and old. I hope that helps and I hope I didn't make a fool out of myself.

You didn't make a fool out of yourself cookie, made me laugh a bit though!! I'm not going to offer any sex tips as I'm very single but I'm here to offer one piece of sensible advice, if you suspect your pelvic floor is tight ISairon don't try anal!! The pelvic floor obviously affects the anus too so if in doubt check it before you go down that route. And that's it!

thanks, you guys. For some reason i feel like a lot of the sites i go to don't actually talk about this which is weird to me- or maybe that's only because my vulvodynia is really contact-oriented. Idk, if you have any other resources or ideas, let me know! I also still feel like some of these things don't seem as interactive as vaginal sex. Any other ideas of even places that i could go look for some help would be super useful! Thanks.

Different positions helped me with mine, all about experimentation! But that's with any relationship. If missionary doesn't work try doggy style, I found that with him kneeling and his penis pointing toward my belly button helped me and it felt amazingly good. But my VV was localized in one spot, but we worked on it til we found something work and now.. I'm single haha

I totally understand what you mean about feeling uneducated in the way of non-penetrative sex. I have found a few useful things here and there, one being sensual and erotic massage, which uses acupressure points to arouse all the senses and relax as well as arouse. It gives some different strokes to use and imaginative ways and places to touch as well, which I have found quite useful.

Here is the website: http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/advice/sexy-touch-man

Don't know how do do links, sorry.

Finch