How do you deal?

I am in my 20s, a virgin and am completely overwhelmed with the thought that I may never have sex and therefore never have a functional relationship with a guy. How do you deal with this? I am rollercoastering between blocking out the thoughts and pretending everything is fine and completely breaking down and honestly not seeing a point to living.
Any help?

We all deal in our own ways, I think. Many people on this forum do have great relationships with their significant others, and find ways to be sexual and intimate despite vulvodynia. I'm also in my twenties, and actually was fortunate to have lived for a while without vulvodynia. When it started and it became clear it wasn't going away, I originally was devastated about the idea of not being in a normal relationship ever again. I am in no pain anymore, but vulvodynia caused me to really redefine my life and my goals in a way that was ultimately positive. I have discovered that by following my passions in my career and by making better friends than I ever have before, I became happier than I ever had been before any of this even started. Even though my pain is in remission, I still have little to no interest in dating, and it's because I've realized how wonderfully fulfilling life can be without a boyfriend and without sex, even though those had been so central to my life before.

Think about it this way: there are countless paths to happiness and fulfillment, and ANY of those are valid. Relationships are an easy one for people to get. But how about a deeply fulfilling career doing what you love? Or learning everything there is to know about the things you're passionate about? Having friends to explore the city and world with, and sculpting memories of new adventures? Being in your twenties is actually an awesome time to be single, try not to let the societal notions that you need to have a boyfriend and you need to have sex get you down. It's just an easy way to be happy, but honestly, it's far from the only one. Do some soul searching as to what you love, and chase after your dreams -- it feels a thousand times better than a relationship ever has, trust me. You will be okay, do not despair. I'm always here by PM, if you want to talk.

Thank you so much for the reply. It gives me hope and I'm sure I will be contacting you. If I may ask, what did you do to get rid of your pain?

I think much like everyone else with vulvodynia, I tried a million different things. In brief, what I really thought the biggest things were:

1) Changing my diet and lifestyle: I became much more physically active, and just went to eating healthier foods (lots of vegetables, lean meat, less processed and refined stuff).

2) Changing clothing and cleaning: I honestly wore a lot of ultra tight jeans and lacy/synthetic panties before this all started, and continued to do so for a while. I only wear 100% cotton panties now, and don't wear anything that has any potential to chafe or compress the area. It's more important to be comfortable than to squeeze into the size 2 jeans that don't really fit. I also stopped having sex, and did my best to stop irritating the area. Water is all you need to clean your genital region, soaps can and will irritate you if chemical sensitivity contributes to your pain. (Also, hypoallergenic laundry detergent is a good idea!)

3) This is by far the biggest one: I started doing physical therapy with a pelvic floor specialist. She was able to figure out weak muscle groups and postural issues throughout my body that were all contributing to increased pressure and dysfunction of my pelvic floor. The exercises we did together included a combination of core strengthening and determining how to walk/sit/move, and reacclimatizing my brain to equating a touch in my vestibule as simply being touch, rather than scary and painful. We also worked with dilators, and have gone from barely being able to tolerate the smallest one, to the largest one no longer causing pain. I cannot begin to tell you how wonderful a well-trained physical therapist can be in helping with vulvodynia, and especially in younger women, it seems to have pretty good success rates.

(This is very abridged, but I'm happy to give more specifics!)