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» I think I've developed vulvodynia?? Please help!
Yesterday at 9:10 pm by Necromeowncer

» MY STORY & Vestibulectomy 2/8/17
Yesterday at 12:38 pm by Mel T

» New w/ Secondary Provoked Vestibuldynia
Sun Oct 22, 2017 3:47 am by Birdy

» Newly diagnosed
Sat Oct 21, 2017 9:50 pm by sarisbaris

» Prednisone Injections?
Wed Oct 18, 2017 5:07 am by sarisbaris

» Has anyone had continued success with gabapentin or Botox injections?
Wed Oct 18, 2017 4:47 am by sarisbaris

» Recent "Poke" Pain - So Confused/Losing My Mind
Wed Oct 18, 2017 2:37 am by sarisbaris

» What is Vulvodynia?
Tue Oct 17, 2017 11:57 pm by Jenjen

» CURED FROM VULVODYNIA - PAIN FREE FOR 2 YEARS
Mon Oct 16, 2017 2:22 am by Sagewoman

New w/ Secondary Provoked Vestibuldynia

Wed Apr 26, 2017 11:46 pm by Birdy

Hi everyone,

I'm here because I'm pretty sure I have secondary provoked vestibuldynia, even though my gyno is still "optimistic" it is not.  My problem started six months ago when I got my second UTI in as many months (after going 25 years of life without one) and then ended up with a bad yeast infection (also my first one ever) thanks to the antibiotics.  Ever since the yeast …

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Newly diagnosed

Tue Oct 10, 2017 8:37 pm by Brevispink

Hello everyone. I have recently been diagnosed with unprovoked vulvodynia and would really appreciate some advice and support. I have had a chronic urine infection for 16 months and was on antibiotics for 9 of those months. I have been very uncomfortable for the entire time, but now I have absolutely unbearable stinging and burning all day with itching too. The infection has just about gone, …

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Recent "Poke" Pain - So Confused/Losing My Mind

Thu Oct 12, 2017 9:26 am by kelseybeth23

Long Story, but I am losing my mind and getting really depressed, so if I tell the full story maybe someone can help me.

Back in August I started to get an itch down there. Normally, in the past, when this would happen, I would change the way I wore my clothes, take more baths instead of showers, and use Monistat. This time, after about two weeks of no relief, I started to get concerned. I was …

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Does anyone else experience this?

Sat Oct 14, 2017 5:21 pm by Angelmegs

Hi— im new here. Im incredibly desperate so if anyone has any suggestions i would greatly appreciate it. Im a 20 year old female with vulvodynia and vaginismus. I was on the birth control pill (junel fe lo estrin) from age 13-18 because of severe menstrual pain. I used the xulane patch for a few months when i was 18 but eventually stopped BC altogether because it interferes with my med for …

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Post Full Vestibulectomy - 5 Years Later - Please Read

Tue May 02, 2017 6:18 pm by jen007

Hi All,

It's been awhile since I've written a new topic on the forum. Wondering if any of the same ladies are still here. I've come back to update you all on my post vestibulectomy results. I can't remember if I've done an update on my current state, so forgive me if this is repeated information... I can't remember how to view my old posts! Anyway, let me get on with my update.

For 4 years post …

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Do you ever worry that you're making it up?

Fri May 27, 2016 6:50 am by Lucci

Hello,

I was diagnosed with Vaginismus and Vulvar Vestibulitis 10 years ago. I was 18 and scared and moving across the country for college, but luckily was able to find a doctor who specialized in 'Women's Health' who immediately put me into physical therapy. Long story short, I've been in and out of the system ever since.

A few years into treatment, I had the diagnosis of PTSD added on for …

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Clitoris Issues

Tue Apr 28, 2015 8:17 pm by January

I am going crazyyy trying to figure out what's wrong. Please does anyone else have an issue similar to mine? I'm only 22. So, basically when my clit is lightly rubbed, there is no feeling. However, when rubbed vigorously and directly, the burning and tingling sensations shoot down my legs and feet as if coming to the end of an orgasm but with no good feeling leading up. It's so strange. What …

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Cured of Vulvodynia

Wed Aug 17, 2016 1:39 am by angelique2016

I used to post on this forum a long time ago and told everyone of how I was cured of my vulvodynia by a (Melbourne Australia) female dermatologist, she put me on very low doses of Nortriptyline (Allergron) for pain management about 10mgs I believe it was, and she also had me use Advantan Fatty Ointment (not the cream) (although I saw the cream for sale on ebay from germany) so it might help, as …

Comments: 10

Vulvodynia and IVF? Anyone done this? What does it do to the vulvadynia?

Sun Jul 30, 2017 1:03 am by Carolyn4

Hi everyone,

I have had vulvodynia since age 27--I am now 43 and it has been in pretty good remission.  I control it with acupuncture and herbs, and some cranial sacral therapy.  I have a 5 year old, had a pretty uneventful pregnancy which ended in a c-section.  My VV worsened after that, and I have worked hard to get it back under control (it took over a year to get it back into pretty good …

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My Husband Is Upset About Our Lack Of Sex Life

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My Husband Is Upset About Our Lack Of Sex Life

Post  viollette on Sun Aug 21, 2011 5:43 pm

Hi just wanted to somehow vent about my problem my husband is upset about our lack of sex life.I think he thinks i use my condition as an excuse not to have sex i really do try sometimes i don't even tell him i am in pain while we are having sex.I am really frustrated i try to talk to my friends about my problem but they don't really understand.I think the people who really understand are woman who suffer with this condition .Sometimes i feel like less of a woman because of this condition.I have been on different anti depressants some have helped with the pain but then gave me really bad heart burn now i am on bupropion and it is not helping at all i am burning really bad down there i try to use lidocaine ointment but it burns.I am afraid to let my Dr. know that yet another medicine is not helping the lady who deals with filling my perscription is starting to get snippy with me i can't help that the medicine is not working.I try to keep positive but it's really hard to when i am in such pain.

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Re: My Husband Is Upset About Our Lack Of Sex Life

Post  naomi on Sun Aug 21, 2011 10:46 pm

hey chick!

perfect place to vent on here Smile

ask ur husband if he fancies dipping his penis in acid and then sand down with sandpaper...then ask him if he feels horny/sexual and up for a bit of nookie!!!! Honestly, men can be so insensistive!!!

have u considered going to a couple counseller thing? i tried to get my ex to go but he should little interest, so i got rid of him...waste of space Smile

its so hard getting into the mindset of sexy time when i hate sex!!....with a passion Smile when something causes u so much pain and discomfort why would u do it?! you wouldnt poke urself in the eye for pleasure would you, it friggin kills!!

hope ur ok chick.

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Re: My Husband Is Upset About Our Lack Of Sex Life

Post  Mouse on Sun Aug 21, 2011 11:41 pm

Hey there,

I hate to drop the C word BUT it always comes down to communication. Would some couples therapy help? Do you have a therapist? Get talking to some people, find a support network (as well as us!) and don't carry all the burden yourself.

As for the lady in the pharmacy I wouldn't be putting up with any nonsense from her. She's paid to fill prescriptions for people who are unwell. If she has an issue with it ... tell her to go $%&$ herself affraid Honestly!!! Call her on it if it happens again.

Take care.
V.

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Re: My Husband Is Upset About Our Lack Of Sex Life

Post  lisadoc on Mon Aug 22, 2011 8:35 am

hi
i totally understand, i endured 2 yrs of excruciating painful sex trying to keep hubby happy until i couldn't stand it any longer. i too sometimes feel like less of a woman and there is something wrong with me and hate having to always try sex when it's on my terms, i miss the spontaneity of it all but now i talk about it a lot more with my husband and he very understanding. to be honest i think as long as i keep him happy in other ways ( sorry if too much info) he's ok. i have started seeing a physio and to be honest even after only one session i think there is a tiny bit of relief, she said my whole pelvic floor was in total spasm. i really hope it's helping as i want to try for another baby soon and want to be able to enjoy it lol.

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Re: My Husband Is Upset About Our Lack Of Sex Life

Post  julesywoolsy on Tue Aug 23, 2011 12:14 pm

Hi. This is my first time posting on here. I was diagnosed with Vulvodynia 3 weeks ago after visits to GP's, Gynaecologists and Dermatogolists for the past 4 years. I've tried talking to people about what before was undiagnosed pain but reading posts on here, I'm glad i've found a bunch of like minded ladies cheers !

I really sympathise with you on this topic. I used to try and pretend the pain wasn't there when I was having sex but that caused the problem that now the thought of anything remotely sex related makes me feel sick with panic! Sometimes I think my partner does understand but then othertimes it's clear that he doesn't really understand and is pretty clueless about how I feel. Then again why would he because he hasn't experienced any of it. I have tried to explain things to him but actually it just makes me feel even more useless and pathetic. I don't know about anyone else, but over the last couple of years at least my self-confidence has taking a battering and it's only now that I know what the problem is that I realise that I need to sort it out.

Plan is.........pester the local GP to refer me for some counselling (as it is very expensive to go private Exclamation ) and make use of the services that I pay (lots of) tax for.

I'm feeling better already Very Happy

x J x



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Re: My Husband Is Upset About Our Lack Of Sex Life

Post  Sarah001 on Tue Aug 23, 2011 5:13 pm

I get what you're saying completely, my ex used to imply I was making it up to get out of sex even though I have visibly inflamed skin if he'd care to look and horrendously tight pelvic floor muscles! He also had blow jobs and hand jobs on tap but it still wasn't enough for him. Men are so selfish alot of the time. Evil or Very Mad
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Re: My Husband Is Upset About Our Lack Of Sex Life

Post  viollette on Tue Aug 23, 2011 10:36 pm

Hi, i totally agree men can be very selfish when it comes to sex my husband say's that my condition affects him but it's really hard to feel bad for him and his lack of getting any.This condition only affects him when he wants sex this condition affects my whole life not just my sex life which i really don't have any interest in anyway.

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at least i'm not alone!

Post  Helpwithpain on Wed Aug 24, 2011 5:01 pm

I just found this site (and just posted my first blog hoping someone will tell me i'm not the only wierd person here) I often times "pretend" it doesnt hurt either but my fiance always seems to know. I am feeling more and more terrible as I really do want to be with him (when we first starting having sex it was amazing) but now I honestly almost panic at the thought - but than am torn because i feel like i should want to.

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Re: My Husband Is Upset About Our Lack Of Sex Life

Post  lisadoc on Thu Aug 25, 2011 9:02 am

thats what i did too most of the time , pretend i had no pain but only made things worse as now my pelvic floor is in total spasm but am getting physio and seems to be helping but have not tried to have sex yet but am hoping it will be a lot less painful when we do. its so hard isnt it, the amount of times i have just lay there wishing it was just all over but you know men , try to keep it going all night lol. has def helping talking a lot more about it to my husband, am hoping we get back to the sex we had when we first met which was great , i often wonder how i ended up with this pain!!

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Re: My Husband Is Upset About Our Lack Of Sex Life

Post  Zazu on Fri Aug 26, 2011 12:26 pm

Welcome to the forum It's been a huge support to me and the ladies on here are just wonderful! I can relate to both your comments, especially about having sex with your partner/fiance. I'm 25 and have moved from vulvar vestibulitis (also called provoked vestibulodynia or localized vulvodynia) - the one where penetration feels like burning stabbing pain - to also having more generalized, unprovoked vulvodynia. We haven't been able to have sex for over a year now as the pain is too unbearable.
We saw a really great sex therapist/couples' counsellor together and here are some thoughts about it all that I learned. First, it's important to stop trying to have intercourse if it's painful - especially for a set period of time. Take it off the table for, let's say a couple of weeks or a month. Otherwise, you'll begin to associate intimacy with pain, crying and loss and this can have more than just a psychological impact - many women with vulvodynia end up with vaginismus if they repeatedly have painful sex. Your muscles seize up in anticipation of the pain - it only makes sense. Second, try to make specific time for intimacy. We have this myth in our society that if it's not spontaneous it's not genuine - but when you have chronic pain, it's the loving thing to do. Finally, when you are intimate, explore 'outercourse' (foreplay). Most men are perfectly happy with what hands and lips can do. More importantly, it's not really lovemaking if it's causing one person extreme pain, is it? Then, you can gradually reintroduce intercourse if you're able to - but only at those times when you're really aroused, not having a flare up and know it won't hurt. Finally, counseling is really helpful!!
A pelvic floor physiotherapist will help you the most with sex. Hope those thoughts were a bit helpful!
Best to you!
Katie

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Help

Post  sadone on Mon Dec 12, 2011 3:22 pm

I can definitely relate to you and your problem with your husband. Fortunately, my boyfriend understands my pain and does not pressure me to have sex. I'm a new member to this forum, so I hope it's okay to post here. Smile.

Anyway, my boyfriend and I were engaged, but he pretty much has called it off now. Primarily because we have not figured out a way around my problem. He has given me two choices. Excuse the explicitness, but it needs to be said. He basically has said that he can only get pleasure from two other activities- anal or oral. Anal is definitely out in my book. I'm sure that would be terrible and painful. I can't imagine it being any fun at all- it scares me. The other option is oral, and I guess I can do it, but he knows it's not something that I like.

He says there's no other choice. I feel like I have to do it though, or risk losing him.

He wasn't like this before. He was understanding and sweet and kind. Now, I feel (granted it's been many months) that this whole relationship hinges on what I can do to please him. It makes me feel like dirt. It makes me feel unloved. I feel like I don't have a choice now, though.

I'd be willing to do other things, and would like to. I have a normal drive, but nothing else will satisfy him. He says we have to make sacrifices when we love someone. He's making a sacrifice by forgoing PIV sex, and I suppose I must make a sacrifice to do something I don't like.

Please don't tell me that if he loved me, he wouldn't be putting on these conditions. I have been around the block enough with men who loved me, and eventually this always becomes a stumbling block.

I don't see any other alternative except to do what he wants. I will be seeing a therapist to discuss this as well.

Is there anything else people on here do that is satisfying for the man? I am easily satisfied with just about anything, but I would never ask him to do something he didn't want. And I'm happy to go without, because this illness has made it such that I can turn myself on or keep myself off. It's not important.

I just want companionship. And I'm tired of this always being a stumbling block.

Many thanks to anyone who has any advice. I've been crying every day and feeling rather desperate and like an object.

I'm not sure how much more I can take. Thank you, sad_one

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Re: My Husband Is Upset About Our Lack Of Sex Life

Post  naomi on Mon Dec 12, 2011 5:21 pm

"Please don't tell me that if he loved me, he wouldn't be putting on these conditions. I have been around the block enough with men who loved me, and eventually this always becomes a stumbling block"

I'm sure its just his frustrations talking and he cant mean what he says.

Ive always said to my partner that if he ever tried to do the "we all have to make sacrifices and do things we dont want to do" emotional shite then we knows where the door is, my last ex tried to do that with me and i got so fed up with it all, its tiring enough dealing with this as it is!!

Def talk to ur head doctor/therapist as they will def explain to you that it is no wonder u r upset and feeling like an object.

With regards to anal/oral... oral still doesnt appeal to me...i personally find it rank, even the thought of someone going down on me...minging!! unless of course ive only just had a bath. But still....ewwwwwww.

anal...i sort of started to do that before my condition got to this state, for a previous ex. it is good, and only ever found it painful when i used KY jelly and not baby oil. Baby oil is far better...but make sure you give him a hand job first with heaps of the stuff.

I was only just saying to my head doc that i feel numb to any sexual desire and could easily go without sex or fondling etc etc. Id rather watch a good telly programme with a cuppa. and her response was.. "well of course you would, it hurts like buggery and the aftermath of infections is just not worth the hassle or heartache"

does ur partner know exactly what this does to you, symptoms, how u feel, see you upset? or are you good at hiding it and to show u r strong? could he go to your therapy session with you one week? so u can open up with an advocate there.
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Re: My Husband Is Upset About Our Lack Of Sex Life

Post  Sarah001 on Mon Dec 12, 2011 6:36 pm

I'm with naomi on this one and frankly calling off the relationship if you won't do something you don't want to isn't a show of love! I do also see how this condition creates problems, my ex (if you've read the thread I'm sorry I'm repeating myself) had hand jobs and blow jobs whenever he wanted, oral doesn't bother me and I'd actually rather give then receive but it didn't make him stay and he left me anyway because he couldn't have "a normal life" with someone who couldn't have penetrative sex so even doing other things doesn't guarantee they'll stick around. Harsh I know but it depends on how much you don't want to do the other stuff. I do think you should both go to therapy together and talk it through, please do bear in mind though that if you decide to compromise and give head it doesn't mean it will satisfy him long term so think carefully about how you'd feel if you did that and then he left anyway, you don't want to make yourself feel used in the longterm. Also if he does stick around will the compromise make you resent him? Difficult I know but sometimes it is better to let them leave and spend time on yourself instead.

I would also rather have a glass of wine and watch T.V than sex naomi! I've become literally sex drive free thanks to the pain and the medication for it that isn't even working well. It's a single life for me for the time being, can't be doing with men's selfish horse shit! Evil or Very Mad
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thanks girls!

Post  sadone on Tue Dec 13, 2011 8:26 pm

Thanks Naomi and Sarah,

You don't know what a relief it is to get some responses from you. I swear my non-V friends don't get this at all.


I can't tell you how much your responses mean to me. I've been a wreck for the last week. This all came up after he talked to his therapist who informed him that he was afraid he was "losing his sexual identity". Wow, that made me feel REAL good. Sad ... I can relate to all you are saying. I used to not mind oral so much in the past, but my partner at them time was satisfied with either oral or a hand-job. Oral was not my favorite thing, but I did for him- it was better than the pain of PIV sex.Even so, he always begged for PIV sex, and I gave in a few times. Back then, my gyn said I was normal, so I don't know if I had this condition or not then. Back then, I had pain with sex, but sometimes I didn't. Who knows?

Well, it just sucks (no pun intended) because the guy is not being asked to participate in any activity that scares him or he really doesn't like. If the tables were turned, I can't imagine getting any pleasure from my partner doing something he didn't want.

Thanks, Naomi for supporting how I feel like an object. My therapist did not really empathize with that, she just kept saying that this is not my problem, but something to be dealt with in couples therapy because the conversations are getting too volatile. He is willing to go to couples therapy, so that is my next step.

I can relate to the "rank" feeling Naomi. I feel the same way. I could probably do it if I were tanked on some GOOD drugs!

Sarah- I admire your strength through all of this, and I had the same thought, that a person you loved would not say such things.

Then again, my therapist says it's his frustration talking.

It must be, because sometimes he's so kind and understanding and other times he yells at me. He was not like this at all before. And now after he gets irritated with me, he apologizes. But this rollercoaster ride is extremely hurtful.

And, Sarah, I did give in(but it wasn't giving in really- cause I liked it!) to hand jobs and oral with another bf (ex now), and he was satisfied with both. And we both had pleasureable "outercourse". Even though, oral was not my favorite thing, it didn't bother me like it does now. He always pressured me for PIV sex though, and at the time my gyn said nothing was wrong with me, but it still hurt. Now, many years later, giving into penetration with another boyfriend left me with chronic pain, and so now I have an official diagnosis of VVS.

Well he is willing to go with me to couples therapy and my therapist has suggested keeping this topic off the table until we go, because it is getting volatile.

Naomi, he knows how upset it makes me. I've been crying hysterically. Sad This is so unlike me. I guess having gone through so many men and dealing with this, I'm at a loss. However, this is the first boyfriend I've had that knows I have this diagnosis.

Before, I was undiagnosed and so they all thought something was just wrong with me in the head. Stupid medical profession!

Ugh! I wish I could be as strong as you Sarah. I was once. Now I feel beaten up- ever since the pain became chronic.

And I'd happily give up a sex life too. However, I still can have a decent drive. But not with this kind of pressure...

thanks for letting me vent...

I've been in pieces lately. Better now, that I know he'll go to therapy with me though, but still SCARED Sad

I just want companionship,






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whatother things?

Post  sadone on Tue Dec 13, 2011 8:34 pm

Just throwing out a question-

what other sexual things have any of you been able to do with men?

it would be nice if there was something, we could both be happy with?

what is the name of that sex toy- the one women with V use and put between the legs?

I have to say my bf is willing to be creative, and he has never ever pressured me into PIV sex.

I still feel like sh#t. This all needs to be discussed in couples therapy. Where did my kind, understanding, sweet boyfriend go? The one who said that sex was not that impt to him- it was his love for me that would sustain him.

Testosterone crept in and stole him away from me... Sad

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Help!

Post  Meleena23 on Thu Dec 15, 2011 7:06 am

I dont know if this is the right thread for my problem, just like all of you Girls, My husband is upset too, coz i dont like having sex with him. because everytime his penis gets in, i feel like i get stabbed by a very sharp knife. and after our sex, and i washed up .. it stings a lot..
I don't know if i had this VV thing on me, coz i still didnt went to see a doctor..
sometimes i have vaginal itchiness and i get so dry..

Is using pantyliner everyday can cause itchiness?

pls i need ur help on this

tnx

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Re: My Husband Is Upset About Our Lack Of Sex Life

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