Boyfriend issues... No sex, etc.

Hello people, I am a 24-year-old women and I have vustibulodynia since my firsts sexuals experiences.. I am with my boyfriend since 4 years. I consulted for pain during intercourse and I was referred to specialists. I first tried physiotherapy, but it didn't work out, so I got a surgery. After the surgery, the pain got better, but it was still hard to have intercourse. I tried physiotherapy after, but I got discouraged and didn't complete the treatment, as I still had pain... It feels likes nothing is working.

I have a very nice and caring boyfriend and our relationship is healthy. He has been very supportive and sweet about my condition. Right now, we are taking a break from our relationship because we are not sure if we are friends or more than friends. I think vulvodynia might be in cause or at least contributing to the problem. Since 6 months, I don't want to kiss anymore, to cuddle. It's as if I am not attracted physically to my boyfriend. Is it the disease, the fact that I do not take the pill since 6 months? Is it because I don't love him anymore? Its difficult to say.

So what do you think?

Thank you for your answers and sorry, I am from Canada and mostly speak french. Please excuse any mispelling that may have occurred.

Other things...

I hate sex. I never want to have sex, other than if I masturbate solo. Anything else feels just bad. Even if I can have orgasms easily with a clitoral stimulation, I'm not comfortabe having my boyfriend doing that. Sometimes I force myself to have sex with him because I fear that he would leave me (even though he's with me since 4 fours years). My boyfriend says that it's okay that we don't have penetration, but he would like if we could be intimate at least 2 times a week, let's say. It is a reasonnable demand, should I force myself doing it?...

Anyway, I will probably go consult a therapit..... Alone or with him?

So many questions, please feel free to help!

Sick

Never force yourself to be intimate with anyone, that's not fair to you and will only lead to resentment.

I realize it's been a month since you posted this, but I felt the need to reply although I'm not sure I have much useful to say.

Im going through similar issues with my boyfriend. I had vulvodynia for five month straight, then found out I also have herpes and have now been having outbreak after outbreak. I think the vulvoydnia may have been caused by a primary outbreak that didn't cause blisters and then an illness caused my immune system to go down and voila blisters. But in either case, I have been inable to have a sex life for almost a year now. My boyfriend and I have been together for six months, known eachother for 1 1/2 years, and have only had intercourse maybe 4 times each time leading to a terrible aftermath for me so now he's afraid to even try.

It's definately taken a toll on our relationship. We used to talk about my vagina nearly everyday (not sure if that's what's happening in your situation) and I realized that it was just killing our affection completely... we didn't cuddle, rarely kissed, everything was just gone. We are very close, best friends, but we've also questioned whether we are just friends or more.

In my case, we've decided to switch up our routine a bit and stop talking about our sex problems for a while. Tonight, for instance, we are going to a comedy club and staying in a hotel.. tomorrow we are spending the day at museums. I'm not sure if this will bring us back together or not, but we both are willing to give it a go because we really do love eachother and our only problem is physical.

So my question for you would be, have you guys tried anything similar to bring you guys closer in a nonphysical way? What's been going through your mind when you realize that you don't want any affection or don't want to display any affection to your partner? Is it him, or is it because you're afraid of where it will lead?

No one can tell you whether you love him or not. That's for you to decide. But I think you should know exactly where the change in feelings is stemming from before making that decision.