My 7-month quest so far...

I never thought I would be so emotionally drained and distraught as a result of a gynecological issue!

In December of 2009, I started having some uncomfortable itching and pain, and I visited a gynecologist who performed some cultures and diagnosed me with bacterial vaginosis (BV). I was prescribed a gel insert which didn't fully work, so I was then given a pill, which cleared up all of the symptoms -- except a bit of the pain. I found that over the next few weeks, sex with my boyfriend (whom I have been dating now for over 2 years... quite an understanding guy, thank goodness) was becoming more and more uncomfortable. I became more irritated (physically AND mentally!) as time wore on, and in March, I saw another gynecologist. He first suggested I try an over-the-counter hydrocortisone cream -- which, predictably, failed -- and then gave me a prescription form (i.e. slightly stronger), which still did nothing. My cultures and tests all came back normal -- no infections, no STDs, normal pap smear -- so his last move was to perform a biopsy on the vulvar skin to check for any unlikely (but scary) possibilities.

Of course, the biopsy came back all clear, and I was told to try the hydrocortisone cream once again.

At this point, I was not able to have any sex at all, and even after the biopsied spot healed, my overall irritation was so severe that I finally had to stop using tampons. The bits of time before, during, and after my period seriously exacerbated the situation, and my frustration grew. I saw one more doctor in June, who prescribed me the strongest steroidal cream he could think of -- to no avail.

At this point, my emotions were shot. I had become so discouraged and resigned myself to a sexless, uncomfortable life. I hated thinking such dramatic things, but I seriously (albeit VERY briefly) considered the pros of having a hysterectomy (no more periods, no more hormonal surges, etc.), but I wanted to have children first, so I thought...hey, IVF!... I could have a child via C-section and then get my tubes tied, and at least remove some of the issue. Obviously a ridiculous notion, but the frustration ran that deep.

I also began to experience an attack on my sense of womanhood that I never fathomed before. I am not particularly into feminism and I don't often think very deeply about gender norms, but here I was, rendered unable to be intimate with my boyfriend, unable to be comfortable during my period, and in pain while I exercised, used toilet paper, wore tight clothing/thongs, and sometimes when I just WALKED... I felt hopeless. I felt incomplete.

A lot of research led me to the term "vulvodynia" -- chronic vulvar pain -- and FINALLY, the last gynecologist I had seen mentioned the word to me as he referred me to another doctor in his practice, a woman who has been researching the condition. Merely hearing him speak that magic word lifted my spirits!

I visited this new doctor a week ago. She changed my entire regimen -- new detergent, new soap, different pads...everything to cut down on excess irritation. I asked to be put on Seasonique, a birth control on which you only get your periods every 3 months (I never felt comfortable doing this before, but once my periods became living embodiments of hell, I didn't think twice!). She also did some cultures and found that there was some sort of yeast present, so I was put on Diflucan, 6 pills, once a week.

I am still just as discouraged as I was before... my libido has hit rock-bottom and I feel that I cannot become as close to my boyfriend as I did before (although this is most DEFINITELY a testament to our bond, as a lesser person would not have wanted to put up with a dearth of sex... and I know from experience); my moods align almost perfectly with the degree of pain I am in, to the point where I just want to curl up and do nothing, see no one; and I am seriously doubting the existence of any sort of solution -- and, by extrapolation, my future as a woman/girlfriend/wife/normal human -- but at least I am getting somewhere.

I am about to pursue a master's degree in public health, starting next month, and my goal after that is to get a PhD in psychology. At this point, I've had some very interesting conversations with my boyfriend about dissertation ideas, and we converged on this working title from which to start -- "Sexual Dysfunctions and the Psychology of Femininity."

I hope to speak with people who have gone through similar issues, and to make a difference in the field regardless of my success or lack thereof. I have to remain hopeful!

Julie

No matter how positive I try to be, it falls back on me and leaves me so depressed. bleh!

I can totally relate to you hun, seems like it came out of my mouth and head! Like many of us ladies on here Its such a struggle everyday to even get out of bed, let alone try and lead a happy and fulfilling life etc etc etc

All I know is, there might not be any quick, simple answers out there but I know there is support and friendship. I dont know what I would have done if I hadnt found a site like this. It is the isolation that gets me, none of my friends or family have ever experienced anything along these lines or to this degree. I wake up some days thinking "whats the point?"...and that scares me as I have never been that type of person to be so negative and pessimistic. But I havent been given any hope, so i have nothing to go by.

We've got to get some answers soon. I dont believe there hasnt been any advances on research or treatment. WE'LL FRIGGIN GET THERE!!!! (hey that was a bit of positivity there i think!?!)

I'll write some more later Im afraid I'm totally wiped out after crappy tribunal earlier.

Love to you all

Nai xxxxxxx

Thanks for the response =) I hadn't until now tried to reach out for support, and the few friends with whom I've talked really can't get a feel for what's going on, so it is REALLY reassuring. Just made myself get up and go walk a few miles at the gym while reading a science magazine (nerdy, I know!) to get my mind off of things.

Welcome Julie!

I can totally relate to everything you said. I have been battling with doctors to take me seriously and have used every friggin cream under the sun! I was living on Hydrocortisone cream and canestan at one point.

At present I am due to see a pain clinic on Monday and just hope when I say the word Vulvodynia I dont get a blank stare! like ive just walked in with a chicken attached to my face lol

I also feel its robbed me of feeling like a 'woman' I felt like I should just run away to a nunnery and be done with it!

Im still trying to fight on so dont give up, keep posting and let us know how u get on.

Im hoping to try and go down the whole physcial therapy - pelvic floor road.

Take care and keep us updated

Sebby

xxxx