Never had un-painful sex

I guess I first suspected something was wrong when I was around 15 and tried to use a tampon...there was absolutely no way it was going in, and to this day I don't wear tampons.

My first experience with sex was when I was 19. It was very unpleasant and his penis maybe went in 2 cm. After a while I could finally let him come into me completely but was still unpleasant to say the least, awful actually, most of the time I would have to stop and a lot of the time I couldn't cope with the pain and would bring me to tears. It felt like something was tearing and ripping the skin. I went to the GP, to which she told me I was anxious about sex and that was causing me to tense up and cause the pain. I didn't really agree with this but what else could I say, I was inexperienced. I continued to have painful sex for at least a year, then I went back to the doctor who then sent me to a gyno. The gyno was so irrelevant, his final conclusions after seeing me for approximately 20 minutes over two session was that I had an anxiety disorder and that I would have trouble conceiving children in the future??? I nearly collapsed when I left the office. Luckily for me my partner was understanding and helped me somewhat with the condition until we broke up, mostly for other reasons than vulvadynia, but it didn't help, but would have happened anyway. During this time I tried Endep (antidepressant), low oxalate diet, antibiotics and huge amounts of anti fungal tablets - it did nothing at all

I then started seeing Marek Jantos from a google search. I did the biofeedback for a few months I think, it did help to minimise my emotional reaction to the pain and let me relax somewhat despite the pain, but I could not maintain the relaxed muscle. I stopped seeing him due to how expensive it was and limited changes and plateau of change

I then went to another GP who sent me to a gyno in Burwood NSW Australia, Dr. Ann Prys Davies, who was amazing and suggested I try Botox, being at university, poor and single I ended up not going down that pathway at the time. No one else knew of my diagnosis and my family being very religious was also not somewhere I could turn...therefore I blocked it all out, I "forgot" about vulvadynia, relationships and sex for about three years....I don't think I could bear to think about any of it, so I pretended it didn't exist.

I started seeing a guy late last year (2011) and realised that I just could not cope with telling him, things faded between us and he disappeared. It was the awakening I needed I guess, I made an appointment to see Dr. Ann Prys Davies again, I cried the entire appointment, I felt so sorry for her, she was on the receiving end of 3 years of pent up anguish. She suggested I see Sherin Jarvis a physiotherapist at the women health and research institute. An appointment that I think may change my life. She was amazing and knowledgeable. I have always had digestive issues and for the first time someone finally knew about the link. I had suggested it to a dr as I believed the pain was caused by a tight muscle that goes between both the bowel and vagina opening, he laughed at me...I was right though I have meet with Professor Thierry Vancaillie who will be doing Botox treatment. I cried in front of both of them as well...they were very understanding. I also saw the psychologist there for three sessions, but it wasn't for me and I don't think it would have helped me with anticipatory pain, and is something I could practice myself as I have already done sessions with Marek Jantos about relaxing despite the pain as it does decrease the pain somewhat.

At the moment I am 2 weeks away from getting a botox treatment...I am scared but I am happy that I have been able to face my fears and try something even though it may not work or work enough...I have seen the thread about Botox and will add how this goes in 2 weeks time...

I have had the "it's all in your head" lecture as well. I've been told it's because I'm too stressed, despite my telling my gyno that I'm a fairly laid-back person. I have never had sex during which I did not tear up from the horrible burning pain. I decided that I was just pathetic and kept trying to have sex in hopes that it would get better. It did not. I was placed on amitriptaline for my migraines, and that has actually helped some of the pain. I am also using the dilator method, which I have hope for. I'm not supposed to have sex until I can use them with no pain. I hope that the botox works for you! I know how stressful the condition can be!!

Very sad that a lot of people have the "it's all in your head" lecture.I think it would be more helpful if health professional just said, we don't know what the cause is. Even if it was all in our heads, which it isn't, health professionals should be pointing us towards psychological help! Not just palming us off...very sad indeed no matter how you look at it.

The botox has been helping a lot. I had sex for the first time in while and the pain was significantly diminished, i was blown away. HOWEVER...the botox is still working in my system, and should do for another month. I have been stretching and using dialators and HOPEFULLY even when the botox is gone the muscle will remain stretchec. I have also started with a chiro and had my first session of remedial massage, specifically myofascial massage so see how that goes. In my case it is not just the pelvic floor muscles it is all the muscles involved in stabilising the pelvis that are tight

All the best with your journey!!

Hey,



Does the botox hurt when they do it? I am maybe heading in that direction, I had a vestibulectomy, but my muscles are totally ridiculous and they are really spasmed. This is all over my body not just the hooha, but I might be headed in that direction. What's it like?

Hi alana,

I went under general anaesthetic, had to apparently to ensure i dont move. It hurt for a day or two but then went away. Took about 5 days to start working. It was very weird for a number of weeks, felt like mypelvis was bouncing around everywhere! But after a while that went away. I had to do daily stretches with a dialator im up to 45 mins every day with the largest dialator. Hope fully that will stretch out the muscle permanently

I should change the name of my post as i had sex a few days ago (been a long while) and it wasnt painful wasnt that pleasurable either but ill take it as a win! First time. There was discomfort but definitely bearable! All thanks to botox! However, see if that lasts after the botox has gone....

Yeah, I don't think so. They like rape you in your sleep with dilators not cool. Plus the side effects freak me out. I don't want to be knocked out again, as I don't handle the anesthesia well. Do you think its worth it?

Yeah definitely not nice going under. My doctor does it under general but i have heard others say that they didnt. It was for me but really does depend on each person

I just had a vestibulectomy, I do not want to go under again! haha I'm working on strecthing and breathing exercises, and it's been a little better everyday, so hopefully I won't have to do botox, I just don't want poison in my vagina lol