Just Frustrated

I guess I'm frustrated because I feel that every single part of me that makes me a woman is damaged. When I was 16, I found a lump in my boob, and had to have a lumpectomy (luckily it wasn't cancer, but it was humiliating when people found out regardless). I still suffer to this day with cysts. Awful. And they hurt like hell. And I can't wear a bra because theyre huge and bras cause shoulder and back pain (also when I stopped wearing a bra as much, the cysts were 40% better so I don't know maybe its not such a bad thing?)

Then fast forward to when I had sex without thinking about it, all of a sudden, it just started to hurt. Hello vulvodynia! Luckily here, I was able to get a vestibulectomy and am able to be almost as good as new. But it took 7 or so years. And the hell to get to the vestibulectomy wasn't too much fun either.

Than, starting from the point when I got my period, I always had impossibly annoying, painful, and heavy periods. Turns out, I have endometriosis. The pain is excruciating. I hate having my period. In fact, I dread it. Every second of it. It is miserable. I have to be on birth control, and I can't use tampons due to the pain.

I just feel damaged like every part of me that defines me as a woman is fucked up somehow. Everyone keeps telling me not to get depressed, but I can't help it, I am. I'm just waiting for IC to happen or something else, one more way to feel even less like a person. I just want ONE day where I don't hurt, where people aren't like you complain all the time (I'm pretty sure if someone healthy had ONE of these problems for an hour they'd be pretty pissed too). I'm sick of living like this. I hurt, I'm tired and I just want to go to bed. Does anyone else ever feel like what the fuck did I do to deserve this? In my opinion, being a woman is terrible I hate it. Everything to do with it. I just want to feel like someone normal. Sorry, I needed to vent.

I'm hearing you sweetie !!! I look at my friends and some days I feel like saying "What the fuck do you have to worry about " I know this is an unreasonable bad thought but gee I feel totally ripped off living with this shit thing. Some days I feel its OK to just say FUCK IT this is shit!!!!!!!!!! You have certainly had way too much bad stuff to deal with, my heart goes out to you, keep venting when you need to and allow your self to have the crap days. Although know you are not alone and I always like to believe there are better days ahead. Things never stay the same and just when you think they can't get any worse they can, and just when you think things cant get any BETTER they can.

Sorry about the swearing but its sometimes warranted...

Wowie. That's a lot of shit.

I feel the same way. Im sure many of us do, like you pointed out. Everyone has a breaking point. Whats going on with your body is plenty reason to feel like you were given a crap hand in life. Important thing is to not stay in that negative place.

I dread waking up in the morning because I honestly don't know what it's gonna feel like. I can't sleep sometimes because I don't know if I will ever be NORMAL again. There are days I want to stay in bed and not speak to anyone, most days I suck it up and deal because there isn't anything I can do, not yet anyway.

I can't remember who said it or which discussion I was reading on here but this person said "If I was normal once, I believe I can be normal again." (Not a direct quote but along those lines.)
It made me feel more positive.

I don't know why we were "chosen" to deal with the problems we face. I do not have someone to go with me when I face these stoned-faced Dr's, no one is here with me when im at a store, in pain, and...I look at all these women and I wonder if any of them feel the same pain I feel.
What helps is I know there's an army of people who are having the same problems and issues I have. Mentally, im not alone. You ladies are always in the back of my mind, fighting your own personal hells like me. We're all in the same trench.

Muah! Feel better.
Evie Bee

Yeah yesterday I had some weird tearing pain, today, nothing! It's so weird. I think mine had to do with muscles tho cuz I hadn't had sex in awhile and it tightened up. I took a muscle relaxer and the pain went away. Its only on one side and clearly not an infection of any kind but god body suck it up I don't need second guessing every two minutes. ugh. But mostly, now, I feel pretty good.

@ alana that's great ! focus on those very good days and enjoy them !!!!

Thank you!