Husband Doesn't Understand

For a year now my husband has been in denial that I have vulvodynia despite extensive doctors appointments and intercourse ending in tears. He is so ignorant and won't even research it and still thinks its an STD and says I just need to go to the doctor and be done with it and I have been on meds for months with no relief. He tries to have sex about once a day and it is so hard on me because it is so much pressure and when I say no I get treated like crap. He expects me to have sex on top of satisfying him other ways if I'm in too much pain. I fear he is so ignorant that he will end up leaving me and there is nothing I can do, I just want my kids to have a stable home. Sorry for my rant. It's hard enough I have this intense pain without the added pressure and fear of being alone.

Ill be honest with you, it prolly wont get any better. It will just get worse and more abusive, and you feel more and more seperated from eachother. Ive personally given up on men and sex with this condition.

Even when it looked like I was getting better, it changed and set the tone of our sex life, and some kind of weird psychological block or wall arose between us that we could never get over.

Men are cheating pervs anyway that are never satisfied, even when your normal.

fergitaboutit..

hi stayathomemom,

your husband is being awful. extremely stupid and terrible. I have never been involved with a man like that. Something is seriously wrong with him. I know you feel terrible.
Beyond terrible.

My bf was understanding for a long time.- 4 years. Now he has it in his mind that he either has to have vaginal or anal. And it's for this reason he's leaving me.

I don't know what to say. I know there are understanding men out there- women on this site who have met them and gotten married.

Your husband and guys like that make me so angry. they act like we committed a crime.

lavrose- have you really given up on men?

I just don't know if I can. I am so lonely without him. I have a few friends. I have no children. I can't have children.

I am very depressed. I thought he was the one- he was so sweet and understanding for so long.

I would kill myself if I had the courage.

I know this is not helpful. I just want to say that I feel your pain. And I wish there was some kind of punishment for men like your husband.

It is so unfair and wrong. When they feel entitled to our bodies like we are things with holes for their gratification.

I hope more people respond. This board seems quiet and some of us are very desparate.

He's a pig, plain and simple. I'm sorry of that sounds harsh, I know he's your husband and U love him but the way he is treating u isn't the way u treat somone U love. He puts pressure on u to have sex wen u in pain and shouts at u if u won't cos u in pain... He should be supporting u and a relationship is about more then sex. I know it's a part of a relationship but it's not everything. One time wen my pain was bad I was unable to have sex with my bf for 2 months and not once did that man moan or make me feel bad becos of it. He made it so easy on me and your husband should be acting the same way.

In so sorry to hear u are going through this on a daily basis as well as having to deal with V. It must be so draining on u to have the pressure of your husband aswell. Have u taken him to our doctors appointments? Maybe that might help him understand?
If he came in Ther with u?
My thoughts are maybe he isn't believing in V bcos of he does then his sexual behaviour Wud need to change. And he would need to be suportive and less of a sex pest.

Thers are so many men out Ther that woulnt act this way with u... Maybe u need to sit down and talk with him proparly wen he is in a good mood. Have a chat and explain how he makes u feel and how v makes u feel. I think if he understood a bit more u wud be more inclined to want to please him in other ways. Maybe u should tell him that too..Don't be scared he will Leave u, if he does then he isn't worth your time my love x

Sorry to hear your husband is such a controlling ass! It's hard enough dealing with this without having him to deal with too. I hope you can work it out. Couples counseling has helped us in the past and with this new condition we might go back. So far (it's only been 5 days) since confirmed he's been supportive. We have been married 34 years and I am almost 59, he is 60. Feel really bad for all others out there. Please try to stay positive. We are worthy of love and compassion.

I read your post and HAD to respond. It frightens me knowing that women are left because of this condition. Their husbands can't handle it, so they give up. Let me say this- me and my husband have two kids together and we've been together now for 5 years. I've had vulvodynia (undiagnosed until now) for 4 years. He is extremely supportive of my condition. He is so gentle and caring,, he truly loves me unconditionally. When I feel like i want to give up, he comforts me and helps me stay positive. I don't know if I will ever overcome vulvar vestibulitis, but I know my husband will stand by me for as long as he can. I won't give up, neither should you. Love yourself and be loved. Do not let this man treat you the way he is, its emotional abuse. I can't believe you're still married. Leave this guy and find someone who loves you for you. Sex is important, but you can still have a spiritual connection with someone without great sex all the time. There is great men out there, don't waste your life away with this guy!

V is a concept men don't seem to get...i'm so sorry for you. Know it all too well...