Not mad, just miserable.

I can't be optimistic. I feel like I'm building myself up to let myself down again. I'm so tired. I'm tired of trying, having hope. I keep asking myself why. How? I'm letting this take control of my life. Happiness is slipping further away from me. I feel invisible, my words don't mean a thing. I don't want to be touched, or loved. I can't make love. Will this ruin everything? Everything we've worked so hard for? I've battled other medical conditions. But this? This is just hell. Its an unrecognized, belittled, curse. I want to sob forever and drown in my tears, like crying will make the pain go away. Another bacterial infection, who knew? Nothing. Nothing helps. Screw optimism. It's such a waste.

I feel your pain. I also have moments when I just want to curl up and sob and not wanting to deal with any of this, I wish I can wake up one day realising all this was just a nightmare. I'm also scared of having hopes sometimes, because when the hope is high I'll fall harder when the it fails. But look at all the ladies in this forum, many of them have battled this horrible thing for so many years (some for their whole life)and they did not give up. If they can do it, why can't we? There are so many things we have not tried and I think it'll be too early to say nothing works.
I think it's okay to have down moments but we need to pull ourselves tgt after that. I tell myself everyday: don't think about what you have lost, think about what you have. I rmb this quote from the movieThe Theory of Everything 'However bad life may seem, while there is life, there's hope". Please don't give up no matter what! Optimism is super hard and it seems useless, but being pessimistic definitely won't bring us anywhere.

yes living with this is a curse. Thats exactly what it is. I really do try to thank god for what I do have. Which is so much compared to this. Honestly I bet there are men and women who have life in prision, lost a child, or people living in fear everyday in other countries wish they could trade places with us if given a chance. So I really count my blessing and a don't add up my problems( Joel Olsteen)
We just have to take it day by day, and PRAY. Besides all of the remedies and treatments those are most important. Stay strong. I miss my sex life dearly, it is apart of being a woman and not being able to have sex when I want is devastating. This motivates me even more to find what will work for me. When God is ready. Not when I am.