How to ease sex

I have provoked vulvodynia. My boyfriend is completely fine about not having sex however I'm not and really want to be able to at least have sex with only minimal discomfort. Has any one found any treatments or anything to ease sex that has worked for them?

Again... I mentioned this in the other thread, but you probably should hold off on penetrative intercourse until you can really lessen your provoked vulvodynia first, otherwise you are risking killing your libido in the future. Your brain WILL associate sex with pain if you're not careful, and it will "solve" the problem by not allowing you to get aroused ever. Patience is key, even if it is frustrating. That being said, if your pain is just at the vaginal opening, many women find lidocaine helpful (your OB/GYN will give you an aqueous solution that only will affect you, and not rub off on your partner). Because you said you are burning for hours after sex though, I'm concerned that this will not really help you the way you need it to. If you want a temporary solution, I'd give the advice of going slow, using lots of lubricant (Slippery Stuff seems to not irritate most people with V), and use lidocaine before starting. If you find there is pain as soon as the lidocaine wears off though, I'd refrain from having vaginal penetrative sex until you get some improvement.

I want to emphasize this: you can still be a sexual person! There are many people who cannot have penetrative vaginal sex who still have very fulfilling sex lives, and I encourage you to do some research on the topic and get some ideas. I have no doubt that you can fully satisfy your boyfriend and yourself if you keep an open mind.

I have the same worry...I have pure neuropathy which responds to amitriptyline, I have a combo I want to try if I get the guts to try sex again: pregabalin, amitriptyline 50 mg, lidocaine or vaginal valium..... vaginal valium is used by a lot of the ladies with painful bladders (IC) and it helps ... you have a great boyfriend if he is so relaxed about it !

I tried vaginal valium it burned life the devil

rectal valium ?

If youre comfortable shoving something up your butt why not? But I've heard it can make your bowels loosey goosey haha but what is that gonna do with your hooha? Who knows it may work for you but keep in mind it ONLY worjs for muscle spasms so if you dont have muscular problems its not gonna work. So for you since you have redness (right?) It might not work.

Just as a heads up, the only randomized control study done on vaginal valium showed it was not effective for pelvic pain -- there's a good post here summarizing why it's probably not the best idea in the context of pelvic pain. (Just don't want you ladies spending money/time on something that doesn't work!)

sob sob I'll stick with my secret stash of narcotics then (=Tramadol/ultram)

Eh you don't know if something works until you try it so I wouldn't give that advice. It actually worked for me kinda but not for nerve pain its for muscles and not a miracle drug. Also tramadol isn't a narcotic I take it everyday where it acts like one its not classified as one. The only thing it really does is make you tired. If you can have sex knocked out more power to you! Lol And all it is is a painkiller it's not gonna treat anything or prevent. Your pain. It's just gonna mask it until it wears off. Same with valium.

But it wont give you side effects since its bypassing your liver

I've taken it before in the past when I had bartholin cysts (pain from hell) and if it was able to work for THAT, then I kind of trust it to work again ??  the pills never made me feel sleepy, more like hyper and very drugged out/high
I know I'm not treating my pain just masking it, but at least I can lead a life until I find a decent dr

oh itll help its just not gonna treat is all i'm saying. continue with it, but try to find a more accurate treatment than popping pills.

I'm screwed. I've fallen in love with a guy. I am so screwed. My pain consultant better give the maximum pills. better throw anything and everything at me

I find it really difficult to have sex with my fiancé,he gets so frustrated and I do too,I just feel unbelievable discomfort and pain but all I get off people is 'it's in your head'..it's not in my head!! I feel so selfish because I've taken away my partners sex life and feel sometimes he'd be better off with out me..I need advice on least painful positions etc. Please help x

Experiment what works for you may not work for me and you're not selfish

amy1918 wrote:I find it really difficult to have sex with my fiancé,he gets so frustrated and I do too,I just feel unbelievable discomfort and pain but all I get off people is 'it's in your head'..it's not in my head!! I feel so selfish because I've taken away my partners sex life and feel sometimes he'd be better off with out me..I need advice on least painful positions etc. Please help x

Amy, what have you tried so far to treat your pain? Vulvodynia is actually many different disorders with different causes, and how you work with it depends on what kind you have.

First. You are NOT selfish. You have had the bad luck of developing a condition that is both physically and emotionally painful, and while you and your partner might not be able to have vaginal penetrative sex the way you want to, that does not make you selfish. You are a strong person dealing with a bad situation the best you can. Your fiancé loves you, and that is something that transcends whether vaginal penetrative sex is something you can have all the time. I'm not going to lie and say vaginal penetrative sex doesn't matter, it DOES suck to not be able to have it painlessly, but there are a lot of other options for intimacy that should be your everyday go-to. I think it's important to be just as sexual as you were before, but to challenge yourself to find new ways to enjoy intimacy (there's a lot of things that most V sufferers can still do!).

When you DO want to have sex: do you have lidocaine? Do you use a large quantity of non-irritating lube? Do you make sure to engage in a ton of foreplay to make sure you're properly warmed up and ready for action? As far as positions go, it depends on your type of pain. If most of your pain is from insertion/withdrawal, any position that places a larger emphasis on grinding rather than thrusting will be less painful. If your pain is more in the vulva or clitoris, but less with insertion/withdrawal, find positions such that they're oriented away from contact while allowing penetration. As a rule, woman on top is a good idea for those with sexual pain, since it puts you in control of the angle, the speed, and the type of motion.