Ssssoooooooo Depressed.

Hello Ladies, A few months ago I was in a very bad place emotionally. This depression lasted for over a month and just seemed to get worse. I would just bawl for hours because the thought of having this pain and constant burning for the rest of my life was causing me stress, depression and thoughts of wanting to die. My husband was so worried that he was thinking about putting me in the hospital. My Dr. put me on anti depressants since I was in such a bad way. Ive had LSC for a year now and its only getting worse. Sex with my husband is out of the question. I feel like my normal life is done and over with. I see women wearing pants and Im envious. When Im watching tv and there is a couple making love, I get angry, sad, jealous and a slew of other emotions. I feel worthless as a woman and as a person. Im only a shell of what I used to be. I used to be happy all the time and I enjoyed making others laugh. I used to go to movies, out to dinner and go on vacation but all that is over.

My depression seemed to have gotten better for a few weeks and I thought that my depression wouldnt come back. No such luck, its bbbbbaaaaaacccccckkkk. I just want to cry. When I wake up in the morning I think "why get out of bed? I have nothing to look forward to but pain". My Gyno has tried so many different meds that I have lost count. Ive become a guinea to try new drugs which never work. Ive seen a pain specialist who doesnt deal with THAT part of the body, I saw a nerve specialist and he said there was nothing he could do for me, saw a Dermatologist and got the same story. My Gyno specialists in this sort of thing and she is just confused because Im not responding to any of the treatments. She cant give me injections because I have burning pain on my Labia Minora, Labia Majora and it goes all the way down my buttox. Last night it even went to my thighs in the creased area. I cant sit, I cant stand and I cant lay down with any comfort. Sometimes I just wanna take a knife and cut the entire thing out.

So next week I am going to be a guinea pig again. There is a Dr. who was giving injections of HCG for weight loss and by accident he found that it took the pain away from Fybro sufferers. So he wanted to test it on someone like me. So I will pay him $275 for the injection and if it works then my pain will be gone immediately. I dont have high hopes since nothing else has worked but if by some miracle it does, you girls will be the first to know.

Stupid question at this point,

But have you tried Physical Therapy for it?

If the western way isn't working (as it didn't for me) perhaps it is time to try an alternative route?

I can highly reccomend hypnotherapy for depression. I had it for years (not vulvoudnia related) and it cured me in 3 sessions. Vulvodynia came along a few years later and I have not once been depressed. over it I also had it terrible like you for a time. I could not sit hurt to walk wear underwear it spread over my tummy and into my tail bone, down my thighs - I was in a right mess.

I know where you are and know it is possible to come out of it!

KEEP GOING - Your stronger than this!

xoxo

Hey there,

I think alot of us are on emotional roller-coasters...

This condition just feeds into depression, frustration, and isolation. I find the emotional/mental aspect of this disorder to be the most troublesome. Even with physical reprieve/relief from the pain, psychologically I am still a mess.

I try to look around, and appreciate what I do have. Im relatively healthy otherwise, and although it angers me when I see/hear of women being able to have the kind of intimacy I could only dream of with a man, I try to stay positive. Maybe one day we'll all get there eventually. Physio might work for some and then maybe diet modifications for others. Who knows for sure really?

None of us deserve this shit we have been dealt, but now we have to try to play our cards right.

It really is a very lonely road. I understand whole-heartedly when the women on here pour out their sadness and grief onto the forum. Im in that headspace somedays, and I know its hard to shake when you're there....but either one goes forwards or backwards. And I'll be damned if this condition dictates my life and my personal happiness.

Never in a million-freaking years would I have imagined that I would not be able to wear, of all things, PANTS! Its ridiculous! However, it has caused me to express myself creatively through wardrobe...afterall, I wake up some mornings and wonder ''Will theses underwear hurt? What about these leggings? Oh no...the material in this skirt is gonna make me hot down there?'' Its bananas.

But, I just go with the flow. And I put myself first.

Ladies, we are all worth it. We deserve happiness and joy.

Luv, noni

Aussie, My cheep azz health insurance wont cover physical therapy unless its acute. So in other words, they want me to be in constant agony until the day comes when it IS acute. Hell, by that time I would have had surgery anyways. I HATE ins. companies.

I am happy that a hypnotist was able to help you with your depression. Hypnotists just arent for me though. I have some other health issues that play on my emotional state. Im Bipolar, PTSD, a few other things and this LSC all rolled into a nice little ball can make me very emotional at times. So I see a pdoc and a tdoc who I trust and they do their best to keep me sane.

Thank you for your kindness hugs

Hello Noni, honey you said it right, nobody deserves this shit. I have wardrobe issues just like all the other women here. I wear long black skirts so that I dont have to wear panties. Its kinda hard to do in the summer because I live in Arizona. When I do wear panties, I wear those really sexy Granny Panties. uuugggghhh. My wardrobe changed in a blink of an eye. One day Im wearing really fashionable cute shirts, short skirts, bikini's, having the time of my life and then BAM, ugly wardrobe time and forget wearing ANY bathing suit.

My hubby is a saint and he really tries to help. He is the positive one who keeps encouraging me. I developed chronic back and neck pain 4 yrs ago and he kept telling me "Just be patient, it may just go away on its own one day", uuuummmm when? LOL. So needless to say I still have THAT daily pain but its NOTHING compared to this vulva pain. Now he tells me "just be patient.............." Ok, so Ive had enough of that. So I kinda get pissy and angry and say "just like how my back pain DIDNT go away. One year of vulva pain is one year toooooooooo long".

Im sure you and many of the other women go through depression, anger, frustration, _____________, just fill in the blanks.

For the last 5+ years I have belonged to a support group in order to support ppl with Bipolar and some other emotional issues. I love helping ppl. But now I feel useless because its difficult to help others when Im pissy, depressed, wanting to break things, wanting to scream and cry...... I used to be able to help ppl who felt like I feel now.

You know, Im hoping that one day Dr.s can get this under control so that I can be mental support to others who suffer from this and so that I can also go back to supporting ppl with Bipolar.

Girls, one day they will figure this out. We may need to scream and yell and make ourselves noticed. We need the scientists to look our way. I dont care if we need to carry poster and walk all the way to the White House, we will get noticed.

Thank you for replying. You take care of yourself. hugs to you and everyone else.

I'm so glad I found your post!!! You describe my feelings to the tee too. I have just started my treatment, however I'm so depressed that I don't have much hope. I vow that this horrible disease will not define me. My boyfriend has been around from the beginning but I think he is getting weary. I just wish this horrible monster would go away. I try not to lean on my family and my boyfriend because I'm sure they get tired of hearing about my pain and other symptoms. We have to stay strong even though we are dying inside. I just want me old life back too.

sailirish23