New Member - Not Offically Diagnosed, But Frustrated

About three months ago my partner and I got into a pretty deep discussion about our lack of sex-life. I told him that I had actually been feeling pain for probably the last two years. Since I was regularly getting bacterial infections and yeast infections I kind of always just assumed that it was something that would go away. But when he brought it up, it sort of blew me away that it had been that long. I realized it was a bigger issue.

So I made an appointment with my regular NP at the local women's clinic. She found a small amount of both bacteria and yeast, but she also suggested that Vulvodynia may be the underlying culprit. The clinic I go to leans towards the natural, so we tried an alkaline cleanse to flush out my system, boric acid suppositories, and we did do a bomber antibiotic to try and deal with the bacteria. The bacteria didn't go away, and I'm still experiencing pain during sex. She's also referred me to a physical therapist for pelvic floor therapy. I haven't yet had my first appointment.

Reading on here, it's clear that what's going on with me is not even remotely as severe as it could be, but yesterday my partner had a bit of a meltdown about our relationship and sex-life. We've been together eight years and for most of those years we were really sexual. But the last couple have dwindled. I've now realized that it's due to the fact that I've been experiencing pain, which I kind of just have been plowing through because I still feel pleasure, and still want him to be fulfilled, but because of the pain, it's really hard for me to initiate. If he initiates and gets me going, I can just kind of ride the train through the pain and then deal with burning afterwards.

I think the most frustrating thing is that it all feels like a guessing game to me. Maybe I have vulvodynia, maybe I don't, but even if I do, that doesn't actually help anything because it seems like every treatment is a guess.

The one definite thing is that I feel sharp pain during vaginal penetration and experience intense burning after sex - every time. The meltdown my relationship had yesterday covered a lot of things, but more than anything, it felt like it was the lack of intimacy, and my seeming lack of interest in sex, at the root of it all. I'm getting worried, and frustrated, and a little scared.

He's a good partner, and I think with this being new to both of us, I'm not sure he realized just how much pain I've been in (probably cause I never told him...). Talking about it last night he suggested I get online and try and find a forum and see if other people have ideas for treatment. Don't know why I haven't done it before, because just reading through these other posts at least made me feel less alone. Really glad I found this site

It could be your hunny giving you an infection, it's not unheard of. Unfortunately, sex and VV go hand in hand regarding pain.

Here are a few tips I've heard of, maybe they will help you:
° Lidocane 10-15 mins before sex, nickel sized amount.
° Cold compresses after sex can really help
° Baking soda bath with warm water, not hot
° Gentle sex
° Try different sex positions, some don't cause as much pain
° Non penetration sex. It's a long list, you should look that up.
° Anal sex (not for everyone)

Personally, I used to have sex often, right now it's 2x a month, maybe 2x a week. It just depends on how your feelin. If I have 2-3 good days (pain is 1-2 on a scale of 10) then i'll try and have sex. If not then he can wait lol.

Hope this helps a little.

Evie bee

Hopefully the physical therapy will start to help you - it has done with me. Other things to try are deep breathing and pelvic drops to relax the whole pelvic floor area (which is usually tight if you have v as the muscles tense up) before & after sex. Amy Steins book Heal Pelvic pain has some exercises in to stretch the pelvic floor.

Lidocaine numbs the area - so can work or you could ask your doctor for some painkillers - notriptyline helped me with burning initially.

Hey ehalaska,

I totally get what you mean about the guessing game. It seems to be a really vague condition. I was told that vulvodynia is kind of an umbrella term which just means 'unexplained pain in vulva/vaginal area'. It isn't a disease or infection but more of a condition. So if that's what you have then you can call it vulvodynia. I agree with all Evie bee's suggestions. And keep trying with doctors! I try and think to myself, if there was a time when I didn't have this, surely it can go away again.

I also only have pain during sex, so I understand your frustrations. My issues started about four years ago and I have always had pain during pelvic exams and at the beginning of sex, but for a while it was fine. I was diagnosed with vulvodynia and pelvic floor dysfunction in March and have since been placed on meds and regular physical therapy. I'm going to have a vestibulectomy in December. My now husband does get frustrated with our lack of a sex life, particularly since I tend to avoid too much intimacy, but he has been wonderful.

I hope that your problems get better without resorting to surgery or medicines! Sounds like you've got a good, supportive guy. Just keep communicating with him.