I'm kicking the habit

Today I needed a new prescription of Gabapentin, I phoned the Dr's surgery and was told I was breaking a cardinal rule by phoning and not emailing "didn't I know the correct proceedure? so many patients rah rah". Well actually I don't know the correct proceedure *insert appropriate swear words* you fucken moron *oh ok it appears I do need to say them as well*. My experience with anything pharmaceutical is very limited. I told the nasty cow that they weren't working anyway so I'm expecting when I hear back from my GP I will have to increase the dose.

SO I kicked them. I'd forgotten to take one at midday anyway, didn't take one last night and here I am on the computer at 3am. I can't sleep, needed the loo and have a rotten stomach ache. I know it says do not stop taking them so I guess weaning off is the answer.

Do these drugs ever work? When I had Ami I was a complete mess now with the Gabapentin the side effects aren't as harsh but I feel like a blowfish, I'm getting chubbier by the minute, I'm light sensitive, feel like my brain is being reprogrammed (go figure) .....but not in a good way. I'm emotional and we all know my therapist said I don't have any emotions so they can F$%@ right off.

Are the flaming drugs worse than the thunder down under? I read an article on chronic pain today. It says a bit about becoming isolated and withdrawing from people. I haven't seen my family in months because everything seems to annoy me these days and I just prefer to stay at home.

Hmmmm so maybe I'll try getting off the sofa, try to find some endorphins - if only they came in liquid form and I could mix them with vodka. And maybe since I'm feeling particularly brave I'll try to take some control back... if that fails I have my therapist next week to pick up the pieces.

Check out the article - this was in the Feb edition of my fav magazine which I now buy to look at the pictures because I can't concentrate. Apparently there are articles as well.

http://www.mindfood.com/at-chronic-pain-ruling-life-health-body.seo

Hi Mouse,

i am getting back online after taking a break for a few weeks. no break from pain, just too busy. just wondering did you go back on the gabepentin. I know it is not a good idea to just stop taking them. how many miligrams were you on? how are you doing pain-wise off this med.? for me, this was the med that cut my pain in half. it was the first med that gave me hope w/ no side effects at all. but, it took 3000 mgs for me to get some relief. i'm still on it, but also take lyrica. the lyrica is making me gain weight and i don't think it is working too well. i'd like to try Cymbata. i plan to talk w/ my doc soon. i can't believe you can call a clinic to get medication etc. it sounds like you all have a lot of barriers to obtaining the necessary health care and medication. it is not fair. did you go off Gabepentin completely? looking for a update.

Mouse, thanks for the article on pain. I found it interesting that women have lower pain thresholds then men. Everything in the article rang true.

Hi Jules,

I'm glad you liked the article. In the current edition there's an article on meditation. I'm doing really well with that now. In fact I think I might be a convert - which is great because without it I may have become a convict... hmmm anger issues

The drugs have gone, I was on 900mgs. I had a letter from my specialist saying it could take up to 3 x times that to have any effect. Too late! The squiffiness was from the other shite disease and it lasted 10 bloody days ahhhh nasty. As for the pain, after a month of constant crap it's been fairly mild for the few weeks and this includes just having my period. I'm also not working now so have REALLY reduced my stress levels.

I've been here before I might add.

Glad to hear your pain has decreased. My P.T. wants me to work on relaxation which goes hand in hand w/ meditation. I am so not the relaxation type. i have a high stress full-time job that probably does not make things any better. keep me posted on your pain.

Hey Jules, believe me I'm not the meditation type either. I have trouble concentrating on anything these days. For a couple of months I skirted around the mindfulness but now I can really do it! It took a bit of persistance because I really didn't think it was for me. And then out of the blue I did 15 minutes without opening one eye every few seconds to look at the clock.

It now makes perfect sense to me to work on calming the voices in my head. I think the mind/body connection is the best place to start looking for an answer. I've been working on destressing, taking time out, eating healthier, cutting back on coffee and alcohol. We have natural feel good chemicals which I'm trying to tap into now I've shied away from doing the drugs. I don't know what my specialist will say when I tell her so I feel like I now have to own the outcome of that decision.

Does it make sense to you that with a high stress job and a chronic pain condition you need to cut your body some slack. Stress manifests in so many ways, without it we would be dead but too much is a killer also.

How about you humour me and give it a go? Even if it's learning some relaxation breathing. My aim is to take some control back. I really hope you give it some thought. If I could find a Mindfulness course I would sign all my friends up as their christmas present. I'd have to round them up by pretending there was alcohol. There would be some swearing, maybe some tantrums and a few "just give another f%$#*n candle" BUT I can guarantee it would change a few lives.

hi Mouse,

i haven't been on for awhile...again. i'm with you on the meditation. i will try. i actually need to because my P.T. is requesting me to. i have to pay attention to my breathing and relax. i should also cut out some of the alcohol and caffeine out. notice i say the word "should." i need to eat healthier and drink less etc. will work on it. in the meantime, i have been in pain today and depressed this past week. i am hoping for anti depressants when i see my doc next week. i need something to get me through.

how are things w/ you lately?

Hey Jules,

Lovely to hear from you. I hope you are feeling better, this fucken sucks the life out doesn't it.

I've had 3 really good weeks with low pain then today has been shite. More stress and a shit nights sleep and here we go again.

I've downloaded some meditation. It's really good to have some guided ones. I'm going to buy this one I think.

http://www.meditationforbeginners.info/mindfulness-meditation-for-pain-relief-guided-practices-for-reclaiming-your-body-and-your-life/

http://www.mindfulnessdvd.com/chronic-pain-article.html

I got completely ratfaced on Saturday night! Aahhhhh maybe that was the trigger? FFS!

Take care
Vicki

personally, i have never noticed a difference in pain as to when i'm not drinking for a period of time or when i do drink (pain-wise). Currently, i have a damn yeast infection (thrush, for those England folks). It is so hard to decipher the yeast infection symptoms between the Vulvodynia symptoms. I was in lots of pain and not too comfy. I got a prescription for Diflucan and now i'm hoping it goes bye-bye soon. What i wouldn't do to give away my woman parts for free. they cause more problems then they are worth. the pain was horrific the other night, but not as bad today. So today is Thanksgiving Day in the US. Today we all eat a huge meal w/ probably about 3000 calories and recognize what we are thankful for. So...getting prepared to stuff my gut w/ food at our relative's home. Fun!

Thanks for the links. will look later. haven't done much relaxing, but i have worked out and that makes me feel good...gets the stress out...even thought there is some pain associated w/ it.

have a great day!

Happy Thanksgiving hon, I hope you managed to enjoy the food and the family I hope you did some "real" smiling, if not faking it is fine hahhaaa.

It's funny that a lot of the women on the vulvodynia sites have constant yeast infections. One day we'll figure it out. I read an article about the effects of refined sugar on the body woohooo. I think a diet of bread and water might be the answer - if gluten wasn't toxic and you never know what's in the water!

Kid wants laptop BRB

Right that's the kid dispatched to his last 2 exams, the summer holidays will begin this afternoon! UGH, no more peace and quiet although he does sleep until lunch time and spends the rest of the day food seeking. One more year of high school for him and then empty nest for us. Oh yeah!

Stress is making a big comeback in this house. I'm finding it really hard to relax which is stupid because I'm not working. I've been to my therapist this week and she thinks I'm almost normal - imagine that. So a bit of panic is starting to set in because I'm pretty sure I'll suck at flying solo. I'm also about to kill the cat - the anger issues are back! The flaming thing is scratching the window next to me which makes the most annoying sound in the world. The door is open, she just wants to get in a different way. Anyway so giving up therapy is frightening the bejesus out of me. Todays happy thoughts are: this is never going away, I can't share this mess with my friends, I'll never be able to cope with working. I'm about to give myself a slap.

I could happily give away my bits as well, the pain is everywhere at the moment. Since Mondays episode, it's a moving target.

So Jules, it's bloody meditation time