How to tell a bloke???

I am 33 and trying to find a bloke through online dating as time is getting on now and I have buried my head in the sand long enough waiting for Mr Right to land on my doorstep!! I am so terrified of dating (have been single 6 years now) as I am so scared of telling a bloke about my problem with having sex - has anyone got any tips who has been single and then met a guy and had to explain this to them???

Thanks

Caroline

Hey Caroline, I love that there is still a quest for Mr Right. We may have more luck finding the tears of baby unicorns.

Sarah posted on a discussion about a platonic dating site. That could be a good place to find your feet. This shizzer is fairly isolating and it's often easier to just stay home so well done for wanting to get out there.

How about you cross that bridge when you come to it. Honesty is good. Could you say I have a pelvic pain condition that prevents me from having sex? Remember penetration is more beneficial to a guys happy ending, we have a whole other pleasure centre located a bit further up. Maybe get to know yourself and your body. Find out what your boundaries are, what you are comfortable with and go from there.

Do you have a physio? Maybe talk to her/him if you are comfortable doing that. I don't know what sort of V you have, is your pelvic floor an issue?

Good luck! If you happen to find Mr Right could you post a photo please? =)

Hi Caroline and welcome to the forum!

This is something I have been thinking about too. I thought about the Platonic Dating side but despite my V and trouble with Penetration I still have a sex drive! and can do other stuff!

Im 30 and have been single for nearly 2 years and miss the whole dating thing.

I too wonder how to approach the subject? I rekon on a low pain day I could have intercourse but would pay for it with a flare up for days after.

What I would do is firstly only tell a guy I was dating when I was sure I wanted to take things further in terms of regularly seeing them and becoming sexual with them. I wouldnt say anything on a first date or the first few converstions or even the first few dates! Reason being is there maybe many other reasons not to take things further with a potential date other than V... and it will be a waste of time telling them and going through such a difficult thing when they are not suitable for you anyway for a number of other reasons.

As Mouse said I would start by saying I had a Pelvic Pain condition that made sex(intercourse)difficult. I know how scary it will feel saying it when you really like the guy and would fear rejection.

You will need to develop a tough skin and not get TOO attached too early.

I would also look at what I was and was not comfortable with like Mouse said..for instance what are you exact limitations sexually and what can you do comfortably and easily

For instance, on very bad pain days I wouldnt attempt anything. On medium pain days I could be touched outside etc. On low pain days I could be touched outside and inside and after a couple of glasses of wine would even attepmt intercourse...whether or not I would suceed is something I would find out each time lol and would unfortunatly brace myself for a flare up..it depends on how hot he was and if he was worth this!

In the meantime enjoy the dates and continue on your quest for pain relief..look into anything that you have'nt tried yet. Have you tried pelvic floor physio or dilators to help with stretching the vagina..good way to practise intercourse!

This is what I am doing and I do hope I pick up the courage to try dating like you. I really admire what you are doing and wish you the best of luck

Please keep us posted on your progress!

Take Care

heyhey!

single too!

I'm adopted a really brash approach to it and just tell them straight to the point. If they dont like it then they can hop along!

Sounds harsh but out of the guys ive told (only started going out socialising over the past few months again properly as i struggle really bad with this)theyve told me they really appreciate it. I dont want to waste anyones time if they have a problem with it and likewise.

Granted i tend to chat up cute guys in pubs and clubs where there is alcohol involved and that helps...otherwise i would go the bright red!!!

So yeh, i tell em im not working due to my health at the mo, cant have sex point blank (not because i dont want to but tell them I am left raw and sore) and it gets me really down.

I know its not everyones idea of brooching the subject but i feel ive got enough going on in my life without any more upset to add to it.

hope this helps....subtle as a sledgehammer

Hahaha Naomi you are awesome!

I wish I had the guts!

Hi..i'm not single, but i'd like to take a stab at this. I personally am very open about my disorder. i'll tell anyone who wants to listen. i've been w/ the same man for 25 years. i asked him what he thinks you should do. from his perspective, he believes you should wait at least a few dates so the guy can get to know you as a person first. back in the day when i turned guys down for sex cause i was Catholic and all (LOL), the ones who only wanted sex were long gone after the first date. the ones who truly were interested in me, stayed around..my husband was actually one of them. I would think someone looking for a woman on a dating site is interested in more than sex, i could be wrong. Otherwise, wouldn't they just go looking for a hook-up in a bar or at a party? I'm with Naomi though..just say it like it is. you have a pelvic pain disorder that makes sex uncomfortable at times or frequently (depending on your symptoms). Let him know you are working on trying to improve the symptoms w/ treatment. Keep us posted. You'll meet your man.

If you do meet your man ask if he has a single brother ;)lol

Thanks so much for the advice!! I have a date tomorrow night so wish me luck!! xxxx

Good luck with the date Caroline... remember baby steps! Don't plan your whole life

We now have 2 newly dating ppl, this is so exciting. I might have to wait up!

Good luck and tell us how it goes! did you meet him off a dating site?

dont leave us in suspenders!! howd it go?!!!