Devastated and Angry

My VV symptoms had GONE AWAY for NEARLY TWO WEEKS!! Then I got an irritated little bump, from what I assumed was a reaction to a condom (because yes, i FINALLY HAD REAL SEX AGAIN). So, I go to my new Doctor and was told I HAVE FUCKING HERPES NOW TOO. And she was another overly happy, unconcerned doctor which made it that much harder to understand what the hell she was saying.

Her: "Oh, that's herpes hun!"
Me; "WHAT?!"
Her: "Well, on the brightside, you don't have to worry about your partner catching it! He probably gave it to you ::Smiles::"
Me: "uh, yeah, he'll be thrilled."

If I'd had my clothes on at that point, I would have walked out. That was the dumbest brightside anyone has ever pointed out to me.

So the pain level (I lucked out and have the HSVI so it was just like having a cold sore, not a cluster and after researching herpes I'm soooo thankful because there are some horror stories) is not even near what the VV symptoms had been, it has just been a nuisance. They put me on viral suppressant to try and help the outbreak go away quicker. The sad thing to me is that I could have had this before and now given it to my current partner. I knew my ex had been having an affair, I could have gotten it from him. I could have gotten it many years ago and now had my first outbreak. I could have gotten it from my current partner. I have no way of knowing. But i'm so angry at the world right now that I have it, period. My current partner got tested before we had sex, but did not know they only do a herpes test if asked. So, he could have had been the carrier. He has been so amazing through everything. When I was freaking out about who gave it to whom, he just looked at me and said "it doesn't matter. Fact is, it's something we have to deal with, and we will get through it together.". He's going to the dr. to get a bloodtest to see if he has it, i might not even have passed it to him if I was the carrier. This experience made me realize how lucky I am to have him in my life, and strangely it's brought us a lot closer (which I didn't think possible).

So,I ask the doc then if all my symptoms had been H related, but NOPE, I got two pain problems! Hooray! Since, I wasn't having VV symptoms at that time, she did nothing for that but gave me Difulcan because I had some strains of yeast left.

So the first blister has now scabbed over and isn't bothersome anymore, but i woke up this morning with the VV SYMPTOMS AGAIN!!! I AM BEYOND FRUSTRATED WITH MY VAGINA AND BODY. I'm wondering if the Difulcan started that back up since I took it last night. The herpes diagnosis bothers me only because it's a lifelong condition, but I know it's not the end of the world and the more time that passes the less it'll even impact my life. I think I'm not freaking about that because the pain didn't even really compare to what I had been going through for a year, it honestly felt like a pimple that needed to be popped. Once it burst, however, I had a day of agonizing pain like it was a burn, but that only lasted a day and then no pain at all. I'm just so TIRED OF BEING IN PAIN. One problem goes away and another pops up.

Just needed to vent.

I understand this! But I got the GHSV1 before the VV... from oral.... while still a virgin. You are lucky to have a guy like that in your life!!

too right, have a vent. Have a massive screaming paddy (whilst ur partner is out of the house). slam some doors, cry until ur face is red and puffy and nose sore from wiping it. I do this...less as time has gone on. I think I would have burst with emotion and pressure if I hadnt.

smashing plates on the kitchen floor was a good one..and two mugs. This was when i was back living at home with my folks...I did replace them, but boy it felt good at the time. If people say to me "positive mental attitude" I could give them the latter...dont PMA me god damn, ur not living with this shite.

hugs too with my mum...and a cry together. It helped my mum release her pain for me...it breaks her heart to see me like this for so long. But now it impacts less on my life (when im having a good time with less anxiety/depression) we have more laughs.

having this has made me realise my mum isnt just a caring, loving mum. Shes my best friend and my rock. Sometimes I feel i rely on her too much, but I dont think she minds. anyone would think i was 13 not just tired 30

Thank you notavfan and Naomi for your replies.

The Valtrex they put me on made me feel soooo sick (nauseaus and ITCHY, my whole body itched like crazy) and I believe depressed. I could barely function, so I've stopped taking it. This shit is hard enough to deal with without being MORE depressed. I've started taking L Lysine instead at the pharmacists recommendation. Notavfan, have you had any success with this?? They think I got mine from oral too. Are you on viral suppressants? This first outbreak is terrible; everytime one goes away, another pops up which makes me think the med wasn't even helping.

Naomi, we are both lucky to have found such wonderful partners! I don't know how I'd cope without him right now, he's definately my rock. There's no one in my life other than him I have available to talk to about any of this. I'm not an open person by nature, so the fact he's been able to break through that shell amazes both of us He was very persistent though!

It's new to your body so your body is just trying to kick some butt right now! It will get better! I only really had the outbreak when I was diagnosed and possibly another time. I take absolutely nothing for it. It's been years since I've had it. Some good news is that 80% of the population already has HSV1, so, unlike vulvodynia, we are now in the norm. lol. If you ever need info or anything about GHSV1, let me know

Thank you notavfan. I hope mine turns out like yours and goes away for years I'm working on upping my immune system right now. From all my readings, that seems like the most important and logical. And staying away from stress... which means, I have to stop reading all the horror stories found online!! I mean, really, I didn't even know i was having an outbreak until they told me, I thought I had a pimple Reading so much about it made me feel like I was dying and the meds made me feel sickly.

One question I do have though, is how do you explain it to partners? I'm only 24, so I don't know if my current partner will or will not be my partner for life. I hope he is, he is wonderful, but we have a lot against us and I'm been realistic lately about our overall chances (he is 12 years older, has a daughter, just a ton of life differences). I told a friend of mine (a guy) who absolutely freaked out and made me feel terrible about myself, and he's known me for ten years (his exact words, "well, your life is ruined now!"). *I* didn't even freak out that bad! It was like, WOW, if he can't see past the stigma and realize I'm the same damn person I was yesterday, this really is going to effect things.