Is this Normal?

So, I have been suffering with Vulvodynia for about a year now.
Because of the pain I associate with sex I have gotten to the point where I don't even have the desire to try anymore. My Fiance won't initiate, because he knows it will probably hurt me. But on the off chance that he does, All I can do is roll over and say I'm tired, or maybe tomorrow. Which I know hurts him. I can hardly even give him more of a peck for a kiss, because I know what it might lead to.

So ladies, Is this normal?
Do the rest of you have no Sexual desire too, or am I just weird?

Hi Aubrey

No you're not wierd. I think most vvd suffers have experienced some sort of sexual issue - it goes with the territory unfortunately. It sounds like a pat answer but I think the important thing is to make sure you talk about it with your fiance so you understand exactly how each of you is feeling - don't close off from each other. And try not to lose all intimacy - there's plenty you can do when you can't have penetrative sex. Other threads here give more advice on how to deal with this - have a browse.

Lx

Hi,
I posted a reply to u, but by accident posted it as a new post, title is not weird at all. Hope this helps

Kt

Thank you. And yeah, it did help. Just having people who understand is great.
And I just started an antidepressent that is supposed to help with the pain. So heres to hoping!

The same thing is happening to me, even though it feels really out of my control! It's like...I want to desire sex but my body is saying no. I've had V for a lot of my life now that I think about it (could never use tampons, always felt very sensitive down there) but it seems that a latex allergy that developed the more I had sex really aggravated it. So over the past two years it has been getting worse.

I'm in a fairly new relationship and we're moving in together and moving across the country for jobs - that in itself is stress-inducing. And it's like I never had to face this until now - before we were long distance and I could just ignore it and not think about it when we weren't together but now we're together all the time and it's worse. We finally had vaginal sex once about a week ago but it was so painful it was like the straw that broke the camel's back - my body is just saying an absolute NO to sex and I have 0 sex drive. It's really disorienting and confusing! I always used to love having sex and had a fairly high sex drive. I feel like a part of my life is dulled.

So anyway...you're not alone - it's so easy to let our minds go bad places with this and feel like we'll never get better or have a normal sex life again!

Good luck!

Does this ever actually go away on its own for anyone like some articles say? I have suffered for 5 years now and was always hopeful one day it would disappear and my sex drive would come back and I would have great sex again and feel like a normal person and woman again but the more that time passes I think that this may be my life forever and it terrifies me.... I am single and as much as I hate being alone, it makes this condition easier because I don't have to worry about it affecting someone else..

Please don't give up! Please know that we have to keep searching and trying new things to get us through this illness. I have felt like my vaginal pain is my destiny, however I refuse to stop trying new ideas or techniques suggested on this site. Your pain might go away on its own, however you could try to help reduce your pain with suggestions from this site in the meantime. The more proactive the better, that's what I try to tell myself. I know it's hard and feel your daily struggle. Thanks for sharing.

I too have lost a lot of my sexual desire for sexuality and intimacy, but my husband keeps trying. He's just got to be very patient. I recently went to a passion party and picked up some intimacy gel which you put on your clitoris. The consultant said that after 14 days it should help reboot my desires, I know that it kicks it up a little bit even when used a little.

My biggest problem after that is the fear and feelings of being inadequate once sexual stuff is happening. Usually I end up calling it off because of fear and being scared So I get all aroused and ready to go (thanks to this gel stuff) but then I get scared because of my psychological associations with pain and sex.