New here and need some advice to deal with it emotionally.

Hi all,

It has been a bit more than a year that I have "V" or a condition similar to it.
It started while I was in a long-term relationship (3 years). The 1st symptom was that when we were having sex I had the urge to go to the toilet and later on it was burning and sex became impossible.
I've seen many different doctor and did many different test and they think that I have "V" or something similar.
I will skip all the negative experiences of doctor telling me that I had herpes or that it was all in my head.
I am now seeing a sex therapist who advised me to use vaginal dilator while using some oestrogen cream. I have been doing this for more than 2 months and still no result but the therapist said that I should keep trying...

My main concern though is my relationship with my partner. We are not intimate anymore and even though at the beginning he believed in me, he is now kind of rejecting me and telling me that "there is nothing to do".
He does not want to talk about it and what he is feeling. Therefore I can't do anything to make him feel better.
He also does not encourage me in doing my exercise and barely ask how everything is going down there.
It hurts to have someone with whom you have share now more than 4 years of your life seeing going away from you because of that stupid condition...

I would like to know if anyone was in that position and what is the best thing to do. I feel that I need to deal with it myself because he is putting my self-esteem down and he does not want to talk about sex anymore. However on the other hand I am still in love with him and I am scared to be left alone with this condition. I am only 21 and this was my 1st love so I guess it is harder to let go.
I keep being positive and trying anything to cure "V".
Any advice on how to deal with it emotionally is more than welcome

This forum has helped me a lot in that I realised that I was not alone.
Thank you for taking time to read my post

I'm sorry to hear of your relationship troubles. It's not an uncommon thing, unfortunately. Some guys can handle the pressures and frustrations of VV, some can't.

I have often felt guilty for my partner (may sound weird) because it definately isn't easy for us ladies, I don't expect it to be easy for them. All we can hope for is patience and understanding. If they cannot deal with it then why go through the added stress? We also have to understand how they feel, he could just feel guilty because he really can't help your pain.

Granted, it's tough no matter what. Therapy is normally the way to go, especially if you have been deling with VV for a long time. Depression, anxiety, isolation; it's a packaged deal  

Be as open and honest as possible about how you feel. Get down and dirty. I can't really say if he cares or not because I don't know your guy.  

Feel better

Evie bee

Hi soleil and welcome. What I'm going to say probably isn't what you'd like to hear but my very longterm relationship broke down within a few months of me getting V. I have other health problems that restrict me but up to that point sex didn't really suffer from them however once it did he changed and whilst initially seemed to be ok about waiting a while to see what the problem was caused by he then got quite pushy and when that didn't work started saying I was making it up to avoid sex which was just ridiculous given all the tests I was putting myself through to get answers and then finally he started sleeping with someone else and I found out so that was the end of us. I really thought we'd be together for good and we'd been together for 13 years when we eventually split up but it did help me to not feel guilty and that I was letting him down by not being able to do things (some other things apart from sex too) and allowed me to concentrate on finding out the source of my problem and start working on it. I was devastated to start with but I'm fine about it now and realise that someone who was willing, and indeed keen, to put me through painful sex on a regular basis if I'd agreed to it really wasn't worth holding onto. I'm still single and still working on my various health problems including the V but I can do it at my own pace now so it isn't the end of the world if you do break up.

Talking of at my own pace I read your other post about the physio who predicted 6 sessions and then pushed you to go faster than you felt comfortable, that isn't a good physio and not even a usual physio, you had a bad experience there and was unlucky enough to get a physio who's ego was more important than your pain so persevere with the physio angle as not all physios are like that. Good luck and keep us posted.

Thanks girls for your feedbacks i really appreciate

My bf and I had a big argument because I saw him flirting with another girl during a party we were at together. No kissing or anything like that but they were giving attention to each other. He pretend that it is just a friend but when they texting each other they used the word "darling" (plus the girl is the kinda of girl wearing short skirt and short t-shirt with high-heel when it is meant to be a dress-up party and she is the only one dress up like that).

I told him that if I do find out that something happen between them I will leave straight away.
Knowing my boyfriend (he is terrible at lying) i do not think that something physical happened but I realised that he is now ready to flirt with other girls and that I lost my confidence to handle the situation. My view is that it's ok to flirt a little bit as long as it doesn't go too far. But now with V it's so much harder to keep calm and stay in control
Sarah I really admire how you can reflect on your experience. I do feel for you and 13 years of relationship is... wow!
I told my bf that I will "recover" from V and that I will do anything to have my "normal" sex life back. I added that he could be part of the process and that he could help me through it, or that he could leave and be with "normal" girl. I told him that if he wants to leave I will respect his decision.
As you girls said it's already a stressful situation so no need to have someone that makes it worse.
Thanks again for your advice and good luck with everything!