Sick of worrying constantly.....

I am sick of worrying about my condition constantly...I have avoided getting into relationships for the last few years because of it (I've had other health problems as well...pernicious anaemia)....I really think it has ruined my life....and I'll never have a normal relationship because of it...people are constantly constantly asking "How's your love life" "How come your not with anyone?" "Found yourself a bloke yet? Your taking your time aren't you...." "Are you STILL single?" in a patronising tone....and all I can think about is how every guy I've dated over the last few years I've found an excuse to end it and then breathed a sigh of relief because at least no one is going to expect me to have sex....I get people assuming I'm desperate to be with someone and can't understand why I'm not "Can you not try a dating agency?" "Do your friends not know anyone they can set you up with?" etc etc etc...people keep on and on and on about my lack of a love life...to the point where I just avoid socialising because it makes me feel like breaking down and crying...I know the reason I'm not with anyone...and I keep it to myself...nobody is going to want me with this condition....I want a relationship....but then I don't...I change my mind all the time....I want sex....I want to be able to have pain free sex so badly....no one else seems to have this condition and it's all so easy for them....It's changed how I feel about my body and about men and sex so badly....I no longer have the romantic dream...I just see men as sexual predators to be kept well away from and sex as a completely painful thing because of my vulvodynia....and all the while I'm feeling like this...when I'm around people who constantly wonder why I'm never with anyone...and ask questions when all the while I know the reason why....it just gets me down...can anyone relate?

Hi, I'm not in exactly the same situation as you as I have a boyfriend, but he's far from supportive these days anyway. I am at a point where he treats me like shit, but i feel like i need him because i dont think any other man would have me without sex, and if they did, i would be so upset to think that i would never be able to be that close to them, which i guess is similar to how you are feeling. its so horrible i can't go out because my pain is 24/7, but i really do understand how you feel. its so awful to just want to be able to have sex and do such normal things and not be able to.

So in a sense I know exactly how you feel, its soooo scary and I know I can't help you with it and this message is probably pointless as I am offering no solution but I just wanted to comment on your post to let you know that you are not alone in how you are feeling, even though i'm with someone i'm still so scared everyday that im going to be left alone any day soon and that im never going to be able to have sex with anyone again. i really hope that one day soon you find a cure and don't have to worry anymore x

Hi Ceriane!

This forum is really great, and you are in the right place. I can totally empathize with how you feel about not wanting to get into a relationship, and then ending them and feeling relief. I just want to tell you that there are plenty of women on here with V who have found boyfriends who can work around the condition. I have to say that I felt like you prior to my diagnosis. I kept thinking that there was something psychologically wrong with me, and I just couldn't get up the courage to have sex because it was so painful. I avoided men for a long time, and also had people ask me why I didn't have a boyfriend. It was so frustrating- no one could understand! I sought psychotherapy, and my therapist encouraged me to date. I was surprised- the first guy I dated after this diagnosis was fine with it. Although, I ended the relationship because of other reasons. My current boyfriend is also very good about it. We just find other ways to be intimate. We've been together for a year now. So, DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE. When you meet the right person, everything will be fine. If you start by taking things slowly, and if there is a real connection, he will understand. I didn't believe it, but there are guys out there who are understanding. Just look at all the women on here who are in relationships! I hope you feel better soon, and that I can offer you hope for the future. I was totally in your shoes before, and I understand the heartache and feelings of hopelessness. I never thought that I'd find a guy who understands, but I did. Wishing you the best! Feel free to msg me if you'd like!

Thank you. You have both made me feel so much better....it's what I needed to hear...I'm feeling a lot more positive now...just needed to vent because it all gets screwed up in my head as it affects me emotionally. Thanks. I think someone worth being with would understand and we could work around it...if I wanted a sexual relationship....and if your bf has made you feel that no one else would want you then he's not the right one for you....your worth so much more than someone to have sex with....what about love? Everyone deserves love!!! So many women have all kinds of problems that affect them sexually....generally partners are supportive and the ones who aren't your better off without them anyway!