My Girlfriend has Vulvodynia and Advice Is Always Helpful :)

Hi ladies! Don't mean to intrude onto your forums but I figure advice from you guys about my significant other is probably the best way to go! I've been dating my girlfriend for whats pushing on 6 months and she's really great. I've been in past relationships and honestly, even with the vulvodynia, this has been the best relationship I've ever been in. We're both 19 and she's had vulvodynia I believe since she's been 16. I've gotten used to the fact that sexual intercourse isn't always an option because she is in pain. We still do sexual things though, things for me, when she's up to it and the pain isn't unbearable stuff for her and with her. She just left for college about 2 hours away this past week and that's makes everything more interesting. We're giving the long distance thing a really good shot, and it's going well so far. I guess I'm just curious to how I should be, and could use your advice on how to help her through college 100 miles away when she's having chronic pain all the time. Is there any tips you guys have for sex? I try to be really understanding and supportive with her, I know how it is to have medical issues that you can't change. Actually the two of us both have infused spines from a scoliosis surgery as an example how I know how it is (and she seems to have the unfortunate basket of medical stuff :/ Vuvlo, IBS, Scoliosis spine surgery...). But anyhow. On top of this there are a lot of times where she breaks down and tells me: "I want you to go find a pretty girl.... someone better than me... someone that can be healthy..." and I tell her she's the one I'm want, that I love, the sex thing doesn't bother me much at all and besides, you take care of that despite sex being rare and difficult. Thanks for anything you girls can bring me, I'm not necessarily worried about our relationship, but any advice to keep it going smoothly would be greatly appreciated! Thanks again!

-Devin

Honestly, it sounds like you are doing a great job! All you can really do is support her. May I ask if she has pain all the time or just with sex? I would say just support her as best as you can. It's not fun, but it will be worth it in the end! My boyfriend does the same thing, we have sex all the time now (because I had surgery to fix it) but when I was at my low (I also have endometriosis), he was extremely understanding. He also has medical problems, so it's his understanding, I think, that gets us through most. He's a great guy! I think because you have medical problems, your understanding helps her too! In any case, if she hasn't already, suggest for her to see a specialist. My doc was honestly the best thing that happened to me and I am so grateful! Let me know if you have any other questions though.

You sound like a fantastic partner. You are doing everything right

Can I ask, do you know if she has gone to a vulva specialist to get diagnosed and treated? She has had it for a few years and I am wondering what doctors she has seen and what tests she has had done ect. I have had this for a year and a half, have seen 12 doctors and only now am I seeing a doctor who has any idea what he is doing. It is a very long haul trying to find someone who will listen. I am only in my 20's so I know what it is like to be a young woman dealing with this shit. I got to a point where I was scared to go to anymore doctors, I would work myself up into a panic attack because I knew they had no interest in helping me. I then learned that I can not give up. If your girlfriend is just living with it and not seeking help, encourage her. It is a long road, but it is all about finding the right doctor.

Another thing is, with vulvodynia, it really takes its toll on your self-esteem. I know that I no longer feel 'sexy' or attractive. My husband doesn't do or say much to make me feel better. Make your girlfriend feel special, compliment her, trust me a little compliment can go a long way. Building up her self-esteem may make her feel more relaxed and less insecure.

Good on you for jumping on here and seeking advice maybe if it wouldn't upset her, tell her about this forum so she can chat to other women in the same position as her.