Log in

I forgot my password

Latest topics
» Please tell me this can get better
Today at 2:10 am by anon99

» Acupuncture advice please
Today at 12:00 am by Bx11

» Lichen Sclerosus
Fri Feb 16, 2018 2:47 am by ryn207

» MAY HAVE FOUND A CURE- PLEASE READ
Thu Feb 15, 2018 10:04 pm by infinitelywondering

» my rock bottom, psychological effects of vulvodynia, I told him he can leave me
Wed Feb 14, 2018 6:43 am by renegade_magdalena

» Some interesting information about nerve pain in general
Wed Feb 14, 2018 3:58 am by Athena

» Sore after using dilator for first time in a year
Wed Feb 14, 2018 3:45 am by Athena

» What helped me
Wed Feb 14, 2018 3:38 am by Athena

» NO PAIN DURING SEX
Wed Feb 14, 2018 3:33 am by Athena

MAY HAVE FOUND A CURE- PLEASE READ

Thu Feb 15, 2018 10:04 pm by infinitelywondering

Dear all,

Today has been the day I've been waiting for. The day something FINALLY makes sense.
I've been told countless times that I've got nerve damage or a muscular condition, yet none of the specific treatments have helped me. My GP suggested attacking this from a different angle so referred me to a dermatologist specialist


after having a vestibulectomy with no success, I decided to visit …

Comments: 0

NO PAIN DURING SEX

Sat Feb 10, 2018 12:18 am by rockylife

I HAVE NO PAIN DURING SEX, BUT I FEEL THIS BURNING SENSATION ALL DAY JUST BESIDE THE VAGINAL OPENING. DO I REALLY HAVE A VULVODYNIA? I'M CONFUSED.

Comments: 2

Newby not sure where to turn

Thu Feb 01, 2018 3:32 pm by Cerjo87

Hi this is all very new to me , well the talking about it bit is , the pain while having sex and also the uncomfortable feelings after and feeling like I have  sistitus most of the time I’m very used to , I’ve suffered for 7 years now I’m only 30 . Finally after all this time the doctors or should I say my gp has said I have Vulvodynia and have givin me gabapentin to try .i told her I’d …

Comments: 4

Looking for a friend..... and new problems

Sat Jan 06, 2018 11:38 pm by infinitelywondering

Hi everyone,

I hope you're doing well.

I hate to say this, but I feel beaten down and terribly alone. I had a vestibulectomy surgery about 6 months ago and I was absolutely praying it would work. It didn't.

6 months later and here I am, sitting on my bedroom floor crying my eyes out because I know I'll never be able to have painfree sex. I don't know what to do and just need a friend Sad



Comments: 8

Newbie to the site

Sun Jul 30, 2017 12:16 am by Ksa

Hello. Thank you for this wonderful site. I'm currently under the care of a dr in Phoenix that specializes in vaginal disorders. I will probably be on a suppository of estridol the rest of my life and I am currently on medications for a rare form of vaginitis that's pretty unheard of for my age. My vagina literally hates me. I've struggled with vulvadynia for 20 years, the duration of my …

Comments: 4

Vulvodynia from #metoo media coverage

Thu Jan 25, 2018 9:01 pm by dooleyhornberg

I am wondering if anyone else in this forum has experience an increase or flare up in their vulvodynia as a result of the coverage of the sexual abuse scandals in Hollywood, DC, and the recent gymnastics scandal. I have definitely had a flare up.

Comments: 0

So frustrating!!

Thu Jan 04, 2018 1:15 am by Hannah77

Well I'm back in pain after 7 years of pain free days.
I was diagnosed with vulvodynia when I was 17. I suffered for three years with horrible burning all day, painful sex with my boyfriend and just pure misery Sad I went into a spontaneous remission when I was 20. I'm still not sure how the pain stopped but all the sudden I could go an entire day without thinking of my vagina, sex started to …

Comments: 3

Looking for suggestions or encouragement

Sat Jan 13, 2018 12:10 am by ryn207

Hi there. I'm 25 and have been dealing with this for over a year and a half and I'm really starting to lose hope this will ever stop.

In July of 2016 I had a yeast infection. When Monistat didn't work I went to my gynecologist who prescribed Diflucan. When the itching didn't stop she retested me and found that my yeast infection was gone, but I now had a bacterial infection. After taking the …

Comments: 4

Amitriptyline given for vulvodyina pain

Tue Oct 24, 2017 2:46 pm by katycrawford

Hi there,

After years of being misdiagnosed etc as most women have on this forum I have finally been diagnosed with vulvodynia (yay) and have been given the lowest dose of an antidepressant called Amitriptyline. Has anyone been on this before and has any positive (or negative) news to give me? Im feeling down already and I've only been taking it for a few days, I don't have much hope of it …

Comments: 11


How do men deal with it?

Go down

How do men deal with it?

Post  Male VVS sufferer on Sun Jan 15, 2012 12:45 am

Hi there,

I've read a few stories on this forum and thought I would share mine. Now this is from a male perspective (my wife has had VVS for at least the last 10 years) and it's got to the point where it's nearly torn us apart. To give you some background, my wife started having pain during sex about 12 years ago. She blames it on a night when we sat in a hot tub or spa for about 4-5 hours and drank ourselves silly. Then we decided to have sex that night. She relates that night directly to when she started having pain. Now I'm not sure if that would cause the VVS to become part of our lives, but it seems like it did. Anyway, she went to different doctors like a lot of women on this forum and got diagnosed with a yeast infection first up, then a while later once the pain didn't subside, she went to a specialist who then diagnosed her with Vaginismus. It wasn't until around 18 months ago that she went to see another specialist who diagnosed her with Vulva Vestibulitis. We now think that has has been diagnosed correctly.

So all through this I have tried to comfort her, be very understanding and help her deal with this. I've even helped her with some exercises she was asked to do, and I've done the q-tip test a number of times. But I have read a lot of entries from members of this forum saying they fell out of love with their partner and didn't desire them or think they could love their husband or BF the way they feel they should. And that is where we are. We have been married for 10 years, and just separated about 9 months ago. I just thought that she needed time to think about our relationship, and figure out what she wanted. But the concerning part for me was that she keeps telling me she doesn't feel the way she should about me, and that's not fair on me (her words). But I love her and want to help her in anyway I can, but it seems I have absolutely no control here, and that her mind is made up. I'm completely devastated about this and we're close to a divorce, which I definitely don't want.

I'm not sure whether I should be blaming this condition on our failed relationship or not? I need some help here because I have no idea what to do, and what she really feels. If her condition was to go away tomorrow, would she feel differently? I guess what I'm asking is for someone to explain: 1. Why has my wife decided she isn't in love with me anymore, if in fact VVS has contributed to her feelings? 2. What can I do to try to hold onto our relationship?

Any insight would be greatly appreciated as I'm lost right now, and need some perspective on where we are at.



Last edited by Male VVS sufferer on Mon Jan 16, 2012 12:03 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Just wanted to my name out of the conversation)

Male VVS sufferer

Posts : 1
Join date : 2012-01-15
Location : canada

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: How do men deal with it?

Post  Sarah001 on Sun Jan 15, 2012 12:55 pm

Hi Mick, I think you sound like a really caring guy who desperately wants his marriage to survive the hell that is VVS. From my point of view I think the condition affects us mentally and emotionally as much as physically. There may be a part of your wife who feels like she isn't a full woman and it isn't fair to hold onto you when you could be with someone else who can have sex, I'm sure alot of the ladies here in relationships feel that way. My partner went and found someone else after 6 months of my V problems and I know others here have had the same kind of treatment from their partners and husbands so your wife may also be thinking that's bound to happen anyway so why not just get it over with. The pain being in such a personal area of the body and such a key area to most relationships affects how we feel about any sort of closeness and we can easily switch off to any aspect of a relationship. I have a complete mental block regarding relationships and don't feel feminine or sexy anymore, a couple of guys have asked me out on dates and I turn them down without any further thought because I just think it's not going to work out so why bother and it would be easy to feel that way about an existing relationship too. I don't know if your wife still loves you, there may be other issues at work here too but I can see how closing off to any kind of closeness could translate to feeling like you don't love the other person anymore. Alot of us girls with V problems build a wall between us and men and stay firmly behind it.

I think counselling might be a good idea, a sex therapist could talk all this through with you both and perhaps find a way to move forwards together or even a marriage counsellor if your wife didn't fancy a sex therapist. As for your wife's problems I don't know what treatments she has tried already but perhaps there are some not yet tried that might help. Communication is vital and you do sound like you are not even putting the sexual difficulties at the top of the list which is fantastic, it's important your wife feels like there are other aspects that are more important than just the physical side of things. I think it's great that you're not even complaining on an anonymous forum about lack of sex, it shows you really do love your wife as a whole person and that's a huge thing when it comes to trying to work things out together. I hope it works out for you.
avatar
Sarah001

Posts : 1163
Join date : 2010-06-11
Age : 44
Location : UK

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum