relationships/suicidal

I haven't been on this site in a longggggg time. When I first came here I had a bf and was looking for ways to work around V. We were together for four years. He broke up with me. But he says he still loves me.

He also said to give him time to think. He said he had to think about whether or not he wanted to be in a relationship with love and tenderness but no passion.

That made me feel terrible.

He also said to a friend of mine "she can't do anything". Really upset me. Referring to vaginal sex and he asked for anal. I said no. No way.

Not to be graphic, but he is big and I'm small- I'm sure he'd tear me up and also yuck!

I am so upset. I am not as young as many of you on here, and I feel like this was my last chance of happiness.

If I weren't scared to do it, I'd consider suicide.

Too many failed relationships.

x

hang in there! I km what it is like , this thing literally makes me want to kill myself some days...V is on my mind 24/7. I don't live a normal life anymore. 

Can I please ask for your story/symptoms?

Anal....yuck! I don't blame you, I couldn't do it either. I know some women are ok doing it, and that's their choice, but...yuck, just yuck. And ouch!!!!I personally think that any man wanting to do Anal has homosexual tendencies!

I'm lucky I have a wonderful husband (who has health issues of his own) who is very understanding and supportive.

I find it very hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel...and I'm only young...I want to have a baby soon, but can't with this shit...God imagine the pain!? Apparently normal labour is bad enough let alone a V labour.

You arn't alone in this. Remember that. I hope you are ok.xoxo

Honestly I know how you fell ; getting so fed up and nothing helps. Things do get better and I know thinking positive is hard but stressing does make it worse if you need soneone to talk to here's a really good place to know your not on your own. Have you tried any treatments yet xoxo

both for your replies.

I have been dealing with this my whole life. I'm only have pain with touch. I've seen every expert in the field and spent two years trying medication, pt, and on and on. Surgery- I'm not a perfect candidate and its not worth the risk.


My bf of 4 years was very understanding and great for a long while. He changed and has insisted on anal. Or I guess he's take vaginal if it were possible.

When he was understanding, I was fine with V. I was happy. I was fine.


He changed and I don't see any other way to deal with except suicide.

He's the third one to leave me over this.

I am not young. I don't have kids. I can't have them now.

Suicide is the only answer. I don't want to spend my life alone.

And I don't know where to turn.

I have started counting pills.

I have a psychotherapist and psychiatrist.

nothing helps.

I just wanted to be loved. loved the way he loved me in the beginning.

that was my crime.

now, i need to gather the courage to end it all.

you can share alternatives to sex that you have tried. I don't want him to leave. I am desperate.

Honestly I know how u feel I have pain on legs all around vulva :/

It is so hard but you have to stay strong because one day it will get easier or even go away completely I think the more we worry and stress it makes it worse :/

Your boyfriend has to be understanding you could try other things like foreplay ect depending on what you are comfortable with but at the same time if his biggest concern is just sex and not the pain your in it's not fair on you .

You have to put yourself first and try to get a solution to ease the pain. If your boyfriend is not understanding it's pretty shallow sex isn't everything in life :/

I hope your ok don't do anything silly try and relax focus on positive things. Last year I was feeling the same way desperate lonely but the girls on here are amazing don't be afraid to ask some advice.
Praying for you xxx

I was involuntarily committed to the psych ward because my family was worried that I'd kill myself.

It didn't help.

I am seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist already.

I don't see a way out.

My boyfriend told me that it made him cry to think of anyone leaving me b/c of V.

And that he'd never leave me. I was the best girlfriend he ever had.

I feel so worthless.

It's like love is meaningless.

I just want to leave this place. FOREVER.

I used to be a confident person. After three long term relationships that failed, I think it's my time.

I hope god takes my life soon.

No don't think that way

You just have to be persistint with your health care gp ect ATM I'm having stinging burning irritation right down my legs ect because I forgot I had ran out of the gapenitn so picking up my prescription today.

Someday hopefully sooner they will come up with a better treatment plan for all us!!! Where are you from ??

Your boyfriend obv cares a lot about regardless of the situation so try and focus on being happy

Wht are your main symptoms xxx

Please try some herbs first, and change your diet. One girl on here is using lavender oil, please email her, and read her post, it really helped her. There is a way to live with this until there is a cure!

that last post was how my boyfriend used to be. He changed and decided he needed to have vaginal or anal sex. neither of which I am capable of doing. He told me for so many years that it didn't matter to him

and now this.

love is meaningless. He's left because of sex.

I am not in pain other than with touch.

I am so tired of this.

I just want to be loved. why is sex so important? I don't understand.

I still hope I don't wake up.

Please tell me you haven't done anything to keep you from waking up! No guy is worth that. Anything can change in a moment. We never know what tomorrow will bring. You must never never give up. There are other things in life beside a guy. Most of the peope that are married are unhappy or just existing. It just isn't worth dying over. Tell us you are okay.

thank you, meelie. Everything is a mess. When we were together, I felt stable. I had a good relationship with my family and I love my job too.


Now, it's like my whole world went upside down. I was taken by police to the ER and sent to the psych ward and put on suicide watch. All b/c of my brother.

Neither of my siblings contacted me when I was released. I was discharged from the hospital with my record expunged.

Now, I have a family that is ignoring me.

It is so strange. My whole world and support system gone.

I do have friends who are there for me.

But I feel like I've been driven nuts b/c of the insensitive behavior of others.

If you were to turn the clock back just four years ago- all was well. none of this. stable family, relationship, and job.

It's like I committed some crime. But of course, I haven't.

I'd like to see my siblings live with this. And see how they'd fare.

Just tired of it all. Can't find happiness anymore. I have had a happy life. And now I am done. No will to keep trying.

Thank you all for replying. It means a lot to me. I am struggling. This isn't me.

I don't mean for my posts to be so depressing. You may not understand, but I was happy, even after the V dx. I felt loved for me. Heartbreak is hard enough without the added stress of V. And being left because of it.

'How do I go on?

I'm not looking for more treatment. i've tried everything. For two years, I was relentless with doctor's visits and seeing the top specialists.

In the end, I have found relief from taking Lyrica and wearing clothes that don't irritate the area.

It's the struggle with relationships, that is hurting so badly.

Why can't someone love me for me?

Why is sex so important?

I wish I knew what to tell you but my relationship with my husband of almost 48 years is shot and I blame it on this horrible curse V. I just know I can't give up because I have four legged animals that depend on me and 2 grandchildren that would be affected. I know you have people also who would be devastated if you did anything to yourself. Don't give up. There are other ways beside vaginal and anal. Google it. I have just lost all interest in it because I get nothing out of it and he doesn't even try on his part. I know, this is TMI. Sorry.

Hi meelie,

thank you for your reply. that is terrible about your husband after so many years together. it just seems inhumane. I am very sorry. your reply wasn't tmi at all! I als o have lost interest in anything sexual. I used to have a high libido even with V, but now I am so disgusted by my bf that I have bad associations with anything sexual.

I am glad that you have grandchildren and furry creatures to give you meaning in your life.

I have a cat and I do love my job, but it feels meaningless. I don't have children. I miss the companionship. And the thought of looking for someone new and having the v talk just seems so insurmountable.

I thought I was settled with him.

Now, it's like my life is topsy turvy.

I hope more of you reply. I don't see a way out. I don't see it.

I am not counting on more treatments.

I am not in pain except for penterative sex.

I want to believe that someone will love me for me again.

Guys have told me I am attractive and two are interested in me atm.

But after all I have been through, what is the point?

I wish gd would take my life and get this over with.

My last three relationships have damaged my psyche.

Especially the last one. He told me he loved me every day for four years. He didn't care about PIV sex. We were engaged.

And then leaves me b/c he "needs" sex.

Who would feel psychologically normal after that? I am too old for this.

Don't give up. Giving up is not an option!! Suicide is not an option, imagine how your death would affect the other people in your life? Yes I have been there and thought about it, but there is no way I could do it.

I am like this not just during sex, I'm like it all the time. how old are you? I am only 27, too young for this shit. I have had it for 2 years and 6 months ago, even the odd day now and then, I feel exactly the way you feel about yourself. I am just lucky I have a great husband, but I still fear every day that he may get sick of our lack of intimacy and leave. Lucky for me he has health issues of his own so he has a low libido anyway.

May I ask your story of what happened for you to get your V? Your story from the very beginning? And who have you seen to try and fix you?

This shit fucking sucks....I bet if men had this problem there would have been a cure made long ago!

thanks for the reply, sailor moon.

That's great your husband is supportive. It makes a big difference.

When I was in a relationship with my bf and he loved me no matter what, I felt secure and happy.

I have always had pain with sex- my whole life, but I was told by doctors that it was psychological.

Then, after sex with my bf (before this one), something changed. I was in pain all of the time.

I knew it wasn't psychological ! I was finally correctly dx when I was 44.

Now, that this relationship has ended, I am walking around in a fog. I am in almost constant psychological pain.

Thankfully, my daily pain is non existent. I take lyrica and I am able to work.

I just didn't think that I'd be dating at age 50 and worrying about having to explain this to the next person.

I trussted my last bf. He said he'd never leave me. We were engaged.

I am broken. No one in my life acknowledges how difficult this has been.

To be told almost your whole adult life that it's all "in your head".

Then, finally to get a correct dx at age 44 for crying out loud.

And to find someone who loved me.

I thought my struggle was over. But it begins all over again.

I do not want to be dating. I wish I had the courage to kill myself.

I have no children, no SO, my family is not supportive.

I do have friends who are supportive, but it's just too hard. I feel like I tried so much for so many years, and I don't want to try anymore.

Even if I could be cured tomorrow, there is still the problem of looking for someone at this age.

I don't believe that most ppl are happy without a relationship. Sure, I'd be fine with it when I was younger, but not now.

Google Helen Fisher- it's hardwired into our brains. thank you to whoever has read this far.

I could use the support. I am drowning.

This is not me. It's not.

I used to be a fun loving person with lots of friends. And I was calm and happy the last four years. loved my job. bf was wonderful. close to family. good friends.

now, i just want to isolate and wish this whole thing could be over.

i am seeing a therapist and a pdoc. I am on psych meds. Nothing helps. except the meds help me to function, eat, and sleep.

i just want out. someway somehow. I've been struggling for too long. I'm tired.

Hello my dear, I too have wanted to die. Sometimes I get angry and want to blame the whole world and sometimes I lay in bed crying. I've had Lichen Simplex Chronicus for over 3 yrs. 7 yrs ago I started having severe back pain but I learned to live with it and once I learned to live with it *poof* I'm struck with LSC. Ive had two surgeries and a number of procedures and medication. I've had some great days and also some crappy days. Eventually I learned to live with this. I've learned that all my activities are planned according to how much pain I'm in. For the last few weeks my vagi-gi has been quite pissed off. Burning, itching, red and its swollen. When she is pissed off, I am pissed off.

(warning, this could be tmi) I'm lucky in a way, my husband is supportive and he understands that I can only have sex every now and then. All I can do for him is give him a Handy. Thats what we call it. Or a booby. I just squash my boobs together and let him go to town. Can't do much more for him because not only do I have LSC, I also have hemorrhoids and TMJ.

Most of my family does not understand. Most don't want to hear about it or they think its some kind of STD. My father pretends to support me but by the sound of his voice, I don't think he is even listening to me. My mother seems to understand but she lives so far away. I guess the women who suffer from this are the only ones who really understand.

Boy, is my reply ever depressing. Sorry

Any man that leaves a woman because of this can go straight to Hell. They are not real men but spoiled little boys who's life is ran by their penises. When they get older and they find out that their little play toy doesn't work like it used to, they will need us to support them. hahaha The tables with be turned.

You hang in ther honey. Don't give up. Learn as much as you can about your vulvodynia, don't stop trying to find a Dr. and think out side of the box. Their may be a Dr. who isn't a gyno who can help you.

hugs to you
Cookie

so sorry for all you are going through bpcookie.

I can't imagine all the physical pain.

And I appreciate the tmi.

I like this what you said about his play toy. I wish he could read it! That was well said.

I would have been happy to give my xbf those two things. But it wasn't enough.

I want to do something to him. How dare he hurt me like this. He said he felt a spiritual connection and like their was string holding our hearts together.

Then four years later he decides he needs and excuse my tmi- piv or anal.

WTH?

I am so angry with men!

This sounds terrible, but I want their thing to hurt too! When they do this to me.

It makes a person feel like rubbish, when left for something completely out of her control.

I used to be a happy, confident person.

Men have ruined me.

Cookie, you are blessed to have a caring husband. Please don't think of hurting yourself.

Your msg was so sweet, it made me cry. You are in my prayers, love. x

Don't let one idiot ruin the rest of your life. Not every male out there is fool. Have faith and the right one will show up but don't get desperate and fall for another idiot. You have much to give to society. There is a reason for you to be here. Think hard, pray and read. It will come to you but first life your head and know that you are somebody and that one idiot cannot define you. You are worth way more than he ever will be. Now watch some comedies, read some fun books and hang with positive people.

Thanks for sharing. I hope you're all ok. I spent lots of time reading when I was at my point of what I thought was no return. To some miracle I'm cured now (thanks to laser therapy). I have been at that low point and every statement I've read rings so true. Prayers to you all

Yes, I agree he turned into an idiot. But our first few years together, he told me he was fine with not having "sex" and doing other things. We were happy together. Then, after four years, he decides he needs "normal" sex.

He reassured me for years. Told me that it made him sad to think anyone would leave me for this. That I was wonderul, the best gf he ever had...

I was totally blindsided.

Maybe after some time, they can't handle it anymore.

Who wouldn't be depressed about this? No one understands.

Every night I hope that I won't wake up.

I didn't fall for an idiot... he changed. I had no idea after how sweet he was for so long that sex was more important love.

So depressed.

Sadone, i have just joined the site and while having a nosey about came across this thread and have read all the messages. I really feel for you, and what you are experiencing and feeling is my fear atm. I am only 27 but am totally in love with my man. We have been together for 3 and a half years and suffered from this pain for over 2 of those. To start with much like yours he was fine and all "sex isn't everything" though as time goes on he seems to be getting more upset about it. He makes jokes about it (that is how he deals with things so i expect it) but these jokes start to hurt me and i feel so bad i cant do what any "normal" girl can do for their man. I have made it through countless painful intercourse with him, some of which i have cried after either because it has been too sore and i have had to stop, or because i have got absolutely nothing out of it and feel bad. I fear he will leave me because, as he puts it my "bits are broken". he is right. he says i dont do anything baout it, and he isnt totally wrong. i have pills i take and have stretches from a physio but i forget to do them and it is better than it was. Really now i have lost all sex drive and dont get any pleasure and that is my real problem not just the V. how can i tell him that? how can i explain that i actually just dont want sex? but i do, i do want to have sex and enjoy it but i just dont! oh, now i am confused and have rambled on rather a lot, sorry!!
Anyways, i just wanted to say stay strong and know you are def not alone. we may not be men who can show you love and hug you, but there are plenty of us on here who will give you support (i know its not the same).
sorry this went on a lot longer than i intended but i ended up on a rant of my own, think i needed to get it out.
xxx

Thank you for your reply. And it's okay that went and got out everything you needed to say! This is the place for that! It makes me angry that your bf is making jokes about V to you. That is inconsiderate and mean.

Have you considered going to couple's counseling? He should not be saying stuff like that to you and making you feel broken.

Sometimes guys are so damn inconsiderate.

I am just going to quote cookie here: "Any man that leaves a woman because of this can go straight to Hell. They are not real men but spoiled little boys who's life is ran by their penises. When they get older and they find out that their little play toy doesn't work like it used to, they will need us to support them. hahaha The tables with be turned."

Anyway, sorry for all you are dealing with. His behavior is not acceptable. There are women on here with partners who are understanding.

He should be ashamed of himself.

Maybe couple's counseling would help you to navigate through this. Or even individual counseling for you.

That is what saved me before. I saw a sex therapist who worked with women who had vulodynia, and she told me about other patients who were in relationships and had understanding partners.

I am still pretty traumatized by everything to be honest. But I am doing the best I can right now. I have a therapist and go to a women's support group.

I won't say that suicidal thoughts are gone. They are not, but I don't have the will to do anything.

I just feel like I've done what I wanted in this lifetime. I've found love. I've had good friendships. A job I love... and many other wonderful things.

Now, I'm done. I don't want to look for someone new. And I don't want to live my life alone.

I feel like I've accomplished what I've wanted and I still pray that I won't wake up.

Sorry to be depressing.

martini... you are still so young, and I hope your bf and you work out, but even if it doesn't, you have your whole life ahead of you. And hopefully either your bf or someone else will be kind, considerate, and understanding.

hugs!!